i am a fighter

I Hate It When It Rains

2008-07-15T16:59:00.000-07:00

My friends say I'm a commitment phobe, that I push people away, that I don't show my real self to other people. That, well I said this, I am building blocks all over me and then I put on a mask for everyday use. I mean what's wrong with this? I am still the person that people see every day, the mask that I put on is just to cover a certain aspect of myself. It's not actually a mask, it's more of a shield, a helmet or any sort of protection that one can wear. Is it wrong to protect myself from future pain?

Is there something wrong with anticipating the bad things that may happen? To shield myself from falling apart? To be cautious about my actions and the reactions to those actions? I say, there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself. There's nothing wrong with being strong, or at least pretending to be strong. In the world that I am in, I cannot afford to be weak. It's a natural reaction, it's natural selection. Those who are strong makes it through the next generation, and the weakling? The weakling gets pushed aside, ignored, and then gets eaten by the next predator who would think that they are even alive.

I on the other hand, just got the genes of a safety engineer and a businesswoman. It's their job to anticipate problems, and solve them before it even happens. It's their job to minimize losses, it's their job to cut costs, it's also their job to protect people, or in a business objective the business. It's in my genes to find the best, to be the best. I minimize the losses that I might encounter; I anticipate future damages and try to cut opportunity cost. In a business, you can't be weak or else you'll fade into oblivion.

You see my dear friends, you cannot persecute me for being “scared.” You, of all people, should see, understand, and support me with my new tactic. You have seen me before. Before all this, before I started building walls again. You have seen why on earth I am becoming cold, cynical, and indifferent about all these love shit, flirting and plain jungle riot that is happening all over. I have seen it first hand, and I have learned my lesson.

They say, experience is the best teacher. But as Minna Antrim puts it, “Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.” I have learned my lesson through experience, and she did send me a big bill that my parents had to foot. It was literally expensive, and most of all emotionally exhausting. This is how I cope, this is my coping mechanism, this is how I adapt, how I learn, how I show that I’ve learned my lesson. It’s just sad. It’s just sad that even you, my friends, the people who know me better, have objections in how I am.

On a lighter note: I got crazy, I got lonely… But ssssss-see? I learned!

P.S. This is sad. That little line didn’t cheer up my mood. Gawd! I’m purging myself of emotions hoping that all these heaviness would come pouring out of me and make me feel light again! I have not drank gin but still “Bilog ang Mundo.” I was just happy this morning, this afternoon, until I felt lonely all of a sudden in the midst of lovers! I hate love sick people. I hate them. They should not make me feel sad, alone and lonely! It all started with the rain, and the coldness, and the people around me who has someone, and I am all alone.

I’m sorry, but I want you to find me now!!! Find me! Find me! Find me! I want to be swept away by your charms. I want to float when you smile. I want for the world to dissolve around us when we talk. I want to be elated when you touch me, even just for a fraction of a second of your skin on mine, I want for the electricity to flow through us charged with ten thousand volts and all we could do is hold on to each other to neutralize it. I want for you to be breathless without me. I want for you to fly with me, dream with me, and together we’ll find Neverland. Most of all, I want that when you find me, we are both in reality.

Now, I have fewer requirements for my dream guy:
1. He should make me feel special and get me to feel kilig.
2. He should capture and keep my attention only to him.
3. He should know how to love me without being told.

See? I just have three requirements for you. That’s it! Three simple things! Yet it seems like no one can be my dream guy!!! Is that hard to be my dream guy??? I don’t think so! One already became one, even just for a day. For one day he became my Peter Pan and took me to Neverneverland. Well, I guess it really is not never land. Because we landed. We landed again, in this wretched earth. Or maybe, we were in our Neverland, but it became the realworld when all his magic left as he left me standing in the middle of thin thread to fall all alone.

I hate you, Zab. Yes, his name is Zab. And I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. And I wish I’d stop hating him and not care. Not care that he is nowhere to be found. Not care that he’s AWOL. Not care that he has a girlfriend. Not care that he left me. Not care that I might’ve pushed him away. Not care that he did not choose me. Not care that he hurt me. Not care that he was my Peter Pan. Not care that he was everything that I wanted. Not care that I wasn’t enough for him. I JUST DON’T WANT TO CARE ANYMORE. I DON’T WANT TO CARE ENOUGH TO HATE HIM. I DON’T WANT TO CARE TO HATE HIM WITH ALL THAT’S IN ME. I just don’t want to care anymore. I don’t want to cry when I get drunk because thoughts of him haunt me and that’s the time I become vulnerable. I don’t want to be like this when for God’s sake he might be ten thousand miles away. I don’t want to be sad every time it rains just because I feel alone and I feel like giving up on Peter Pan ever finding me when he was once my Peter Pan. I hate the fact that it’s you I’m thinking of. That it’s you I end up talking about, or thinking of. I hate you. I wish you could feel the hate resonating from within me that hopefully it reaches you then maybe, you can make it up to me.

PAKYU!

2008-07-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

Body: SMOKERS TEST You have to repost this bulletin but you have to hold your breath while you do it, right when you start copying everything on this page hold your breath until you post it and if its up on the bulletin board you can start to breath again, if you breath during posting that means you are a smoker or will become one, write your name below and next to it if you passed while your holding your breath write Passed if you failed write Failed PLEASE BE HONEST

ALLISON- FAILED FAITH - FAILED Cory-Passed Tyler-passed Lyndsey -Passed Raven-Failed!! Kalenia-Passed Felicia-Failed David- failed Tabatha- passed christy-passed justin - passed brandon- passed(and i smoke like a train haha) jeffrey-passed jenny- passed Cowboy- passed Rashaad-passed ASHLEY!! hehe yea i passedd but i almost died lol! being sick dont help with this!!! Seuss--I almost did it but I started laughing!!! we'll just say neutral :] Alexis-Passed.. Chris-passed lizzy- NOT FAIR! myspace was being SLOW! kelsey-passed haha suckas! Pete-failed Corin Rau--bahahaha! im sooo passing! wootwoot!=) cassie-passed! Brandi♥ -passed denise-passed Maria-Passed!!!! chelsea-passed briona-passed trent-passed jordin- OH YAH OH OH YAHHH passed SIDDY!-yahhhhhhhaaaa siddy passed :P rachel-hell yeahh i passed :] Toniann- =/ i failed but so what .. my computer is slow. Ricky-passed alexis-passed audrey-passed shelby-passed steve-passed but i smoke Abbey-Passed and I Have rhondarius-failed Megan- FAILED. Tori-PASSED logan- passed dustin-passed shelby-failed BETHANNE-PASSED katelyn - failed karlye-failed jennifer-passed donovan-passed lol alexis-passed krystina-passed :)) julie- passeddd:) bradley passed jenn-passed *Sarah*-passed ARIZEL -FAILED... max-passes natasha-passed ryne- passed lane- passed laura-passed RJay-passed YESENIA-PASSED Abii - passed XD Arion- PASSED 8D Raffeh: PASSED, NOOBs =)) Maita: Passed alexa:passed, hahaha losers. :P L-) Jaime: passed, whew, thats tough Vinny: passed LOL!! Manilou- PASSED. :)) Nina - Shet.. Failed. :)) joi- PASSED! \:D/ STEPH- FAILED. :( Felix- PASSED :> Jelito-Passed! :) ANGELA PASSED :> Gio- Failed :)) Joben- passed, duhr :>, Vic- PASSED. HAHAHAHAHAHA

LUCY-PASSED!

The Come Back

2008-07-08T16:25:00.000-07:00

the ultimate come back.

the stupidity. --came back.

the stubborness. --never really left.

the feelings. --alllllll coming back.

the paranoia. --came back.

the what ifs. --coming back one by one.

the denial. --this I don't want to leave.

the only thing left for the big ultimate is for the person to come back.

"Come back my money! Come back my money!" -Sir Ibarra

Actually gusto ko lang sabihin yung lines na yun kasi sobrang nakakatawa lalo na kapag sinasabi ni sir. Naalala ko lang dahil Law later at hindi pa ko nag babasa!:) Yey for me!

George Carlin

2008-07-07T02:06:00.000-07:00

My mom sent this to me and I find it truthful.

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?
Live a pleasing life to God.

- George Carlin

Vampires

2008-07-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

I hold my life as if sand in my hand. (Wow, that rhymes.) It's slipping fast and steady from my grip and then all will be left are some grains stuck in my palm.

I am slowly withdrawing from people. I talk to fewer and fewer people. I spend less and less hours in school, in crowded places, outside my house. I find myself with nothing to say, nothing to do besides what it is that's necessary.

Everyday, life is sucked out of me by the people around me. One day, I'll drop dead. Or until I get a sip of life's zest, will I post again

ate in me

2008-05-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

Janica and I were browsing at National, and then I told her about Vic reading books now. I told her that Vic just finished my book "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey after reading the sequel to that book, "My Friend Leonard" and my dad bought him the Twilight series (I'm not so sure of the title.) Janica said, his blogging's improved, that he posted something good.

So, when I got home, I checked Vic's multiply and read his blog, and I think that what Janica was talking about is his blog entitled: I could die for the words that you saaay. read.

Well, it's mostly lines/phrases/paragraphs from the book that he likes which is mainly about love, and at first I thought he writing it, because I know he's totally relating to it, until I saw the James part, and some lines were familiar.

After super long quotations. There were some shout outs for his friends, and even though I wasn't there, I missed him super, especially how much his friends miss him, and I'm kinda jealous that he's talking to them and all.

And then, there's this girl!!! Gawd, the ate in me is screaming "SLUT!!!!" but well, she's nice, but not so much of Vic's ex things. Specially this girl that I got close to, and I learned to like. But then, I keep playing the song that she typed on Vic's comment box.

There's also this post Vic has, it's my previous post, that made me cry just now... again! Memories with Vic.

I can't say we're super close, but we're not far apart, I can't say we don't fight, if we don't we wouldn't be brother and sister.

My memories of my supermodel brother:
I remember that time when he was less than a year old and we were swimming, and something floated:))

I remember that time we were swimming and he bumped his chin on the side of the pool and it looked soooo gross.

I remember that time when he went home with a girl, that was the first time he introduced me to his girl.

I remember that time when we went window shopping and we tried on clothes, and he'd tell me if the jeans look nice on me or not.

I remember that time he kept on singing "Buloy" and somebody called him and we all said it was Buloy and he was super scared the whole night!

I remember that time we had a fight and he threw my laptop(the black dell) and from then on, the screen got busted.

I remember that time when mom and I picked him up at Marlo's house, and I knew he was drinking!

I remember that time when I opened the gate and he was struggling to get out the window of Jango's pick up, obviously drunk but pretended to be sleepy instead.

I remember that time, he threw a padlock at me.

I remember that time when I asked him if I could smoke and he said "No" and when I asked him why he said, "Kung di kita mahal, papayagan kita." In his most suplado tone.

I remember that time, when we were in Dubai and he was so bored that he started dancing souljah boy's crank that. I have that on video, in my stolen phone!

I remember the times when I'd tease him, and would try to kiss him and he'd be super pissed.

I remember the times I'd pester him with questions about his love life.

I just want to be his ate, even if he acts like he's our kuya. At least, in the aspect of love and girls, he's my little brother and he lets me tell him all about girls and love. And I want to be my brother's friend.

I miss Vic. I don't have someone to go shopping with, he knows what looks good and not, I don't have kaaway anymore. I don't have someone to share my kagaguhans with. At wala ng pasikat sa bahay.

This time, it's a different kind of homesickness that I feel.

Memory

2008-05-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

if you read this journal, even if I don't speak to you often, post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want.

It can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.

Then post this on your journal too!

Be surprised (or not) about what people remember about you :)

I got this from Vic.

Forgive me

2008-04-27T03:26:00.000-07:00

Forgive me, I am not used to this anymore.

I am now in the process of relearning the art of cramming, of late nights and early mornings to the point of no sleep.

I am also in the process of reacquiring lost study habits... rather acquiring study habits, good study habits.

I am also finding my way amongst the veteran students.

It may seem an exaggeration for others, but really if you bum for more than three months, it will consume all that you know of being a student, a worker and of being a FUNCTIONAL human being.

If all you do for three months is sleep and eat, you will have a hard time staying up late more of waking up early in the morning! It will be hard for your body to adjust from skipping meals and irregular meals. It will even be a rigorous task to think of what you would wear to school, especially if none of your clothes fit you because you gained gargantuan amount of fat; what to eat for breakfast, and where your class is.

Make it worse by taking a full load for summer. Three hard core subjects that require a lot of reading time, writing time, and an awful lot of time to digest and process.

So, if I appear as a slacker, and irresponsible, forgive me. I am doing my best not to be, but I am still adjusting. AGAIN.

Come Back, Please!

2008-04-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

When you feel like you are going to die or you want to die, it's always better to have someone to tell that you are dying or that you want to die. Well, not that but the reason why you're dying or why you want to die. It's just really nice to have someone whom you can constantly talk to about anything and would care about what you will say, would worry about you and would do anything to cheer you up, and would give you reasons to live. But then again, if you already have the idea of that someone you'd want to be like that to you, even if there's a thousand of that around you they just don't fit the bill. You still don't feel comforted, you're still looking, you're still unfocused, you're still wandering, you're still suspended in that agony of waiting to die. ha! my first attempt on writing creatively. So, I might blog more this time. I think it's still good that SOM mixed up my Eco class and I ended up taking Creative Writing with Sir Glenn Mas this summer. It's a dream come true for me to write a play, and now I will be obliged to write because that's our final paper. Another unfortunate thing that had some use in the end, is my dad's confiscating my phone, I got used to not having a phone. Just three days after I got my phone back, it got stolen (see here that I used the word stolen because I tried to retrieve it but the trike driver outsmarted me) and I spent a big deal looking for the trike and the trike driver. I NEED MY PHONE BACK! Gawd. I don't know if my parents will replace it. I want my phone back, it was my first big purchase. I want it back!!! Other things I want back: My DVDs!!!! (specially: Girl Interrupted, Peter Pan, Hook, Crazy/Beautiful) My books (specially my classics: Emma, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Peter Pan, Unbearable Lightness of a Being, my film book!!!) My low cut chucks!!!! All my low cuts are with you! My red dress and other shorts! Please, I want them back. I want my things back. I need what I want back. I may be confused and unfocused, but it does not affect my judgement on things that I want.

Hurt Survey from Gabby

2008-04-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

This Is The Hurt Survey

Let's see if you're tough enough to get through it. If not, you're too scared about the truth.

1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed, again?
> uhhh... no.

2. Have you told anyone you'd marry them?
> no.

3 . Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
> yata. oo.

4. Have you ever made a bf/gf cry?
> well, hindi ko siya boyfriend, pero umiyak siya. bwahahahaha

5. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
> single. never been on a relationship:|

6. Have you ever told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?
> yep. pero alam niya totoo yun, kahit hindi talaga.

7. Have you ever had your heart broken?
> dati.

8. Have you ever broken someone else's heart?
> sana. bwahahaha

9. Do you still talk to your exes?
> wala eh.

10. Last time you kissed someone?
> bago ko umalis nung december. november ata.

11. If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
> yes. but i coudn't. okay na rin.:D

12. Do you think you are a good bf/gf?
> OO. wahahahaha!

13. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
> uhhhh... siguro kung hindi, walang nangyari ever sa mga buhay buhay ng ibang bata.

14. have u ever liked anyone else's bf/gf?
> oo. wahahahaha!

15. Like anyone right now?
> wala eh.

17. Does that person like you back?
> i like me back:))

18. Do you love someone at the moment?
> my self:D

18. What are you going to do tonight?
> uhhhh.... sana makagimik kasama ng mga pinsan ko.

19. how do you feel right now?
> sleepy. i just yawned.:))

21 . Have you ever been kissed upside down?
> spiderman kiss:D hahahahaha yun yun db?

22. What would you like to say to one person on your mind?
> i love you, amiel. and then amiel will say: I love you ninang. i heart my babies:D

Ateneo (survey)

2008-04-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

Because I'm back:D and here to stay:D
*grabbed from miles:D

1. What's your ID number?
-- 063722

2. Passed or waitlisted?
-- Passed

3. How did you know about the ACET results?
-- may batang nagtext out of the blue para sabihing hindi siya pumasa at pumasa ako. tapos dahil hindi ako naniniwala, tumawag ako sa ateneo. hahahaha:) pero love ko pa rin yung batang tumawag:D

4. Was Ateneo your first choice?
-- Yep.

5. Do you know what your ACET score is?
-- Nope.

6. What course was your first choice?
-- LM

7. Second choice?
-- Psych ata or Comm

8. Ano course mo ngayon?
-- LM

9. Did you have any plans of shifting?
-- Yep.

10. Chinito/chinita ka ba?
-- Ayaw. haha. hindi.

11. Taga-Ateneo High?
-- Babae po ako. So, malamang hindi.

12. Did you have fun in your OrSem?
-- yupyup:D

13. Saang gate ka pumasok nung first day?
-- Gate 2.

14. Are you staying in a dorm?
--I wish!!! Pero hindi eh. sadness.

15. Ever had an F in your grade report?
-- Oo. pero, hindi pa napapalitan from inc to F. :))

16. How about an A?
-- Yep.

17. Highest grade?
-- uhhh. yung A? pero PE lang yun. so 3.5

18. Lowest grade?
-- D pero pagnapalitan na yung incomplete ko sa english, F na.

19. Worst experience in ADMU?
-- Nawala ko yung phone ng kapatid ko? well, so far yun... or yung guidance interview nung first year.

20. Do you always attend class?
-- Asa. Kaya nga F eh. :))

21. What's/what are your org/orgs?
-- TA!!!:D at LEX

22. How many units have you passed?
-- uhhh.. tinatamad ako magcheck ng aisis.

23. Nangangarap ka bang maglaude?
-- Hindi.

24. When will you graduate?
-- 2010 siguro.

25. Fave subject/s?
-- Zoology, Lit, World Histo at Psych.

26. Worst subject/s?
-- ACCOUNTING!

27. Fave landmark sa ADMU?
-- Koska Smaket at Som smaket.

28. Fave kainan?
-- Healthy Kitchen tsaka yung tj stand sa may entrance ng caf

29. How do you get to school?
-- Trike. Kapag naabutan ko yung car, hinahatid ako.

30. Are you always at the lib?
-- uhhhh... i try. hahaha

31. Ever gone to the infirmary when you were sick?
-- Yep. There was a time, madalas ako dun.

32. Do you have a crush on campus?
-- Yep.

33. May balak kang mag-MS, PhD?
-- Yep.

34. Have you ever watched a graduation ceremony?
-- Not yet.

35. Do you know the "Song for Mary" by heart?
-- hindi eh

36. Memorize mo ba ang Fabilioh?
-- hindi rin

37. ...ang Halikinu?
-- oo ata.

38. ...ang Blue Eagle Spelling?
-- oo. hahaha

39. Are you part of Team Ateneo?
-- I wish!

40. Who's your fave UAAP basketball player?
-- uhhh... shet. nakalimutan ko na!

41. Ever had a perfect score in an exam?
-- hindi pa.

42. Ano ang ayaw mo sa Hell Week?
-- Pag-uwi ko napapagalitan ako dahil amoy yosi.

43. Dito ka ba natuto uminom ng beer?
-- hindi. pero hindi rin ako nagb-beer.

44. What do you like about our school?
-- Super accessible lahat ng bagay.-- true. agree ako dito kay Miles. At ang reg:D

45. Ano ang ayaw mo?
-- may mga smockets pa.

46. Have you ever bought anything at the A-shop?
-- istickers.

47. Maganda ba ID pic mo?
-- hindi eh.

49. Bought anything at National Katips?
-- forever

50. Ever gone to Starbucks Katips?
-- syempre.

51. may nakaaway ka na ba sa school?
-- wala pa naman.

51. QPI?
-- tinatamad ako computin. at well. hindi ko alam.

para sa mga xientians

2008-04-03T17:08:00.000-07:00

I grabbed this from Phimie:)

Part I. Formal.

1. Batch?

- '06

2. Ilan ang sections sa batch mo?

- seven: Avo, Bec, Curie, Darwin, Edison, Einstein at Fleming. tama, seven.

3. Anung curriculum sinusunod niyo?

- sa totoo lang… di ko na maalala sa dami ng beses magpalit!! Hahaha-- true. at never ako nag-care.

4. Ano sections mo per year?

- ~~Darwin I, Doiyeen II~~, Eddie’s song III, Edsuns IV... hehehe... –inside joke... –good job Phims! Hahaha. Bec I, Ed II, tapos Ed. Ed. Ed. Haha. 2^nd, 3^rd at 4^th year Edison ako!!!

Part II. Personal.

1. Sino favorite principal mo? Explain.

- sa kamalasmalasan ay cavo batch kami… =(… yung principal daw bago kay cavo asteeg… wahahaha…-- Si sir Habihan. Astig kaya yun. At siya favorite ko kasi dahil ayaw k okay Cavo at kahit wala pa atang isang quarter nung first year tumagal si Habihan sa batch natin, siya na lang favorite koJ

2. Eh, subject & teacher? favorite.

- music! Ma’am hermano! Hahaha… econ!! Ma’am Erpelo! … mahilig ako sa English… pero di ko favorite teachers ko dun… hehehe… English club advisers gusto ko! Ma’am San Diego at Ma’am Ramos! Hahaha... si Sir Armamento gusto ko... kahit ayoko ng physics... ahahaha—I agree!! Pero, hindi ko gusto Music. Pero si Ma’am Hermano gusto ko kasi inampon niya tayo nung 3^rd year. Math at si Sir Bitangcol (kahit hindi ko favorite Math ng 1^st, 3^rd, at 4^th year ngayon feeling ko yun yung the best days nung HS ang mga panggagago sa mga teachers sa subject nay un during the class) si sir Bitangcol kasi first time ko maka 94 sa Math sa card sa buong adolescent life ko. Subject: Physics Sir Armaments at Sir Kulong the best teachers ever. Sir Armaments nagka 96 ako sa kanya at sir Kulong ang teacher na pumapasok at nagtuturo na pamaypay lang ang gamit!

Higit sa lahat favorite kong teacher ay si Ma’am Erps at lahat ng subject na tinuro niya samin. The best!

3. Alam mo ba lahat ng facilities sa Quesci? Ano pinakagusto mo?

- yep yep! Yung research room na may magandang desks na never ginamit pero ginawang headquarters ni Ma’am Erps para sa DebSoc. Yes! (Mathay I 2^nd floor)

4. Madalas ka ba sa Soccerfield? Ano ginagawa mo dun?

- 2^nd year madalas kami sa curb mag laro. Hanggang sa grumaduate sa may curb pa rin. Except nung senior’s night na todo late ako, pero tumambay pa rin barkada sa soccerfield at nagstargazing at nagkuwentuhan.

5. Ano ang tawag mo sa mga benches malapit sa mathay ii building? para san yun?

- Perim. Dun nilalagay ng mga officers ang gamit nila kapag training ng COCC at tinatambayan ng mga tao. Lalo na ng mga officers.

6. Favorite food sa canteen?

- itlog na pula at kamatis. Tska yung saba con yelo ni ate Dudz at mga tinda ni ate Dudz

7. Ano ang tamang spelling? Cheats? Chits? Cheets? Chitz?

- chits! Hahaha... pinapahirapan pa sarili oh! Haha –eto bay ung pera sa canteen?? Chits!

8. Sinusunod mo ba yung Biodegradable/Non Biodegradable trash bins?

- yep yep. Except sa classroom. Walang ganun.

9. Bumoboto ka ba sa SCB/SSG elections? Sino favorite President mo?

- Si ate Nikki para sa SCB. Pero sa batch si Kuya Ace! Yeba!

10. Tumatambay ka sa fire exit? Sino madalas kasama mo dun?

- oo... amin yun eh! Hahaha... tamabayan ng ed3 at ed4... =)... dalawang taon kami dun eh! Hahaha –TRUE!!! Todo sad lang nung 4^th year, biglang pinasara dahil sa mga lowerbatch na hindi alam ang halaga ng fire exit! Dun nagtatago ang mga nagc-cut at tumatambay at naglalaro ang ed3 at ed4!

11. Ano ang mga Lab sa school? Nagamit mo ba lahat?

- Math Lab, Computer Lab, Nat. Sci. Lab, Bio Lab, Chem Lab, Physics Lab, Bio Lab(yung sa admin), Speech Lab, tapos meron pang pinahabol na Research Lab na walang laman(pero gusto ko to. Nagiskwat Ed3 dito!) . Pinaka hindi nagagamit masyado Speech at Math Lab. Pinaka gasgas na Lab sa Edison ay ang Physics Lab. Kasi tumira kami doon at very memorable ang lab nay un sa Edison 3!

12. Scientian.Com! familiar? ano username mo?

- biglang narefresh ang aking memory. Eto yung may forums ata. Nakalimutan ko na!!!

13. eh #quesci? pumupunta ka ba dito?

- uhhh… naririnig ko sa mga kuwento… ahem* ahem* pero hindi ata.

14. Friendly ka ba sa ibang batch?

- ata. Hindi masyado. Siguro. Pero onti lang kakilala ko at wala talaga kong naging ka-close.

15. Anung batch paborito mo? bawal batch mo!

- ‘03(yung graduating batch nung first year ako madami kasi akong busmates dun at naging kakilala) tska ’05.

16. Umaattend ka ba sa night events ng school? anu ano mga na-attenan mo?

- yep. Battle of the bands, ibang disco, mushpit, stargazings, prom, Benefit para kay Ms. G, Senior’s Night na todo late naman ako. Tapos play.

17. Ilang beses ka nagstargazing? Ok ba?

- first year lang. Kasi hindi compulsory yung second time around eh at nasa beach ako. Masaya, kahit wala akong boylet. …na taga school. Hahaha! Yun ata yung first time ko na 24 hours straight gising. At sobrang fun talaga nun. Fun magbreak ng pekeng rules na parang joke at manuod ng lovers. whahahahaha

18. May mga club ka ba? Active member?

- Oo yata. Isa lang yung super naging active ako, Science Club nung 2^nd year dahil kay Ms. Malazo. Tapos joke na yung iba.

19. Umattend ka ba ng fieldtrip? San kayo nagpunta?

- Lahat ng fieldtrip! 1^st year sa Subic: Ocean Adventure at Beach sa Subic pero hindi ako nagswim kasi super init at mga Avo pa kasama ko nun. 2^nd year sa Nueva Ecija/Vizcaya? Tapos may swimming part pero hindi pa rin ako nagswimming, pinanuod ko lang yung ostrich at yung sunset. 3^rd year and walang kuwentang debate about Pork Barrel sa Congress, at yung sa Pag-asa. Pero fun yung Avalon Zoo, todo laugh trip kami ni Kai nun, tapos swimming sa San Mateo at todo kilig yun. Hahaha! At 4^th year, sa Marikina may science thingy dun, tapos sa bahay ni Aguinaldo, at Island Cove, eto lang yung field trip na nag swim ako. At memorable to sa DebSoc kasi pinapili kami ni Ma’am Erps kung magc-compete kami o magf-field trip, at dahil isa lang yung 3^rd year, hindi kami nag-compete. At sobrang saya ng field trip na ‘to!

20. Dala mo ba family mo every Family Day?

- Dad ko lang palagi umaatend. Tapos nung 3^rd at 4^th hindi na ata ako umatend.

21. GC?

- anu yun??? Hahaha... bawal yun sa section namin... hahaha... kapag nagpakaGC ka sa Edison... babye na sa masayang pamilya... – TOTOO! Hindi uso ang pagiging GC sa Edison. Pero deep in our hearts GC kami, ayaw lang naming magpahalata.

22. Crammer?

- Cramming is the Best Policy. Lahat ng class projects krinam naming at palagi yun nasa top-3 except kapag disqualified. hahahah

23. Nagccut ka ba ng classes?

- kaya nabuo ang dyosa! Hahaha – kasi nagcut kami lahat ng Chemistry two days after ng field trip. O day after fieldtrip?

24. Alam mo ba ang ibig sbhn ng Model Boy/Girl at A1 Boy/Girl?

- ewan. I’m such a bad student, never ako nagpay attention sa recognition.. kung umattend man ako.

25. Nagprom ka na ba? San kayo nagprom?

- oh yes! 3^rd year, yung host kami sa Gazebo Royale. 4^th year na hindi maganda kasi corny, sa Celeb.

26. Eh gradball?

- Rembrandt? Rembrant. Yun yung rinig ko. Hindi ko alam spelling. Fun fun fun night! Kahit late ako. hahaha

27. Nakatulog ka na ba sa class?

- oo yata. Hindi ako sigurado. Baka oo.

28. Eating in class?

- syempre.

29. Nagttext habang nagddiscuss yung teacher?

- oo. Minsan nga nung nauso ang sun to sun may kausap pa ko sa phone na nsa likod. Wahahaha!

30. Memorize mo ang school hymn?

- Alma Mater dear and beloved

Fountain of truth and light

United and dedicated to you we’ll ever be

To distant land we may go

Searching for truth and the unknown

To thee we pledge our loyal hearts and souls

Quezon City Science High School

To thee we pledge our loyal hearts and souls

Quezon City Science High School

31. Ano yung tawag sa lower part ng flag pole?

- atomium ang bininyag na pangalan ng xientians dun eh! Haha—yun ba? Alam ko atom lang.

32. Sino ang favorite cook mo?

- Ate Dudz!

33. Favorite guard?

- Uhhh.. shet. Nakalimutan ko yung pangalan. Baka wala.

34. Favorite janitor/janitress?

- Si Mang Fred

35. Ok ba sayo na scientists pangalan ng sections?

- yup... wag na sana palitan... =)... tanong ko lang... bakit dalawa yung E??—oo nga. Hmmm.. puwede na mang isa lang. at oo, wala kong angal sa pangalan.

36. Ano masasabi mo sa school fair?

- uhhhh… yung cheering lang pinuntahan ko. Tapos nung first year lang talaga ko pumunta sa lahat ng events (day) kasi nasa play ako.

37. Favorite event/booth sa school fair?

- Cheerdance! Oh yeah! Grandslam ang batch naming 1^st-3^rd champion, tapos tinamad na kami sumali ng 4^th year kasi entrance exam ng ADMU at give chance to others. hahahaha

38. Full support ka ba sa school plays? ano favorite mo?

- Yep. Gusto ko yung first year ako, kasi andun ako. Wahahahaha! New Yorker in Tondo. Tska yung God, kasi pinaghirapan ng SET yun. At naubos ata buhok ni sir Mark dahil masipag ang mga SET.

39. Sino crush mo sa school?

- aalalahanin ko… si Arturo Trinidad (ngayon panget na siya), siiiiiiii shet… di ko maalala pangalan! Basta ’04. Tska si Carlo Iriberri!!! At si Tix wahahaha. At si PAPA JOSE! At si Jumags. At si Leandro Morillo. Oh, at si Michael ng ’04. At isa pang ’03 na taga Curie na hindi ko maalala yung pangalan if ever nalaman ko man ang pangalan niya.

Yun langJ

40. May friends ka ba sa alumni?

- oo. Pero hindi ko na sila nakikita ngayon at feel ko hindi na kami magkakaalalahanan. Well, si ate Nikki, at si ate Kaye, at si Kuya Christian, at si Gian.. well, meron pa, pero hindi ko ka-close.

41. Nakapaglead ka na ba sa flagcem? Anong pinagawa sayo?

- never.:D

LAST:

Pagaaralin mo ba anak mo sa Quesci?

- baka hindi na. pero gusto bumalik sa quesci:D

Another Sleepless Night

2008-04-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

Everytime that my mom is to leave the country, something happens to my lola. My family (except for me) is scheduled to leave for Dubai on the 7th of April, and two days ago, Inang was rushed to the hospital due to diabetic complications and the threat of having her foot cut off which was out of the question. My mom along with the majority of her brothers wouldn't allow it.

So, Inang stayed in the hospital. We've visited her yesterday's yesterday, which in my world is yesterday, since thursday and friday are merged in one long day because I haven't slept, thanks to my beloved men.

It really means a lot to me, when tito Bon, Vic, Dik, and Kuya JR, and tito Ricky, and Kuya Beng would allow me to join their bonding moments because it's very rare. They wouldn't usually let me join, but last night or rather this morning they had no choice because I was left in the hospital to watch over Inang and make sure the nurses are taking care of her. I hung out with them, and it was a total laugh trip!

But, in the end I kinda got pissed... rather scared, and annoyed that Kuya JR had to leave to drive his girlfriend to somewhere, and nobody would wake up. Thanks ah! All four: tito Ricky, tito Bon, Vic, and Dik; they were all sleeping, and I couldn't wake them up. It was a little frustrating that I didn't have a phone(because my father confiscated MY phone!) to ask somebody to save me. I wanted to rest my eyes a bit but I couldn't because there were a lot of valuable and expensive medicine around, and the nurses checks in on my lola for every half an hour and they would ask for some equipments to use (we bring our own equipments, some, because the hospital charges a lot for their equipments!)

Good thing, Dik's girlfriend came and my lolo and Inang's yaya came and lolo brought me home(well to his house.) Still, it was a fun night. Super bonding especially with kuya JR.

"Mag mi-miss-miss-an ang mangyayari satin neto." -tito Bon. I guess so. I'm going to miss Vic, and for the past two days I have been having ultimate laugh trips with Magic.

Your Marriage

2008-03-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

How will you choose your Mr Right?

You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church.

Who will be your future Mr Right?

Your real-life hero will be manly. He'll be dependable, even financially. He will protect you and always respect your feelings. He'll probably be quite a bit older than you.

When will you get married?

You will be very determined and thorough in choosing a spouse. You'll study every detail about your man before saying yes to a life of love. You will eventually make a good choice, but you'd better be sure that he's willing to wait that long.

What sort of wife will you be?

You are a bit tricky. You might pretend to be a sensitive and caring wife in his eyes, but you'll be ready to laugh at him behind his back and eventually you may even leave him for another man.

Will you and your husband have a good time together?

You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.

What will your children be like?

Your kids will be very naughty. They will often get into trouble but you will have a great time bringing these fun-loving kids up. They are lively and smart.

How loyal are you?

You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.

What's your personality love style?

2008-03-22T18:29:00.000-07:00

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

The Real You

2008-03-22T18:25:00.000-07:00

Here is the analysis:

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.
You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

my other answer

2008-03-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Me

2008-03-22T17:42:00.000-07:00

Got the quiz from Janica's site.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

30 random things, one person

2008-03-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

Can you answer these questions about the first person that comes into your mind?

Don’t change the person.

How old is the person?
~ 20

Is this person older than you?
~ yes

Have you ever kissed this person?
~ yes

Are you really close to him/her?
~ not anymore

How many times do you talk to this
person in a week?
~ nil

Do you think he/she will repost this?
~no

Could you live with this person?
~ yes.

Why did you choose this person?
~ because he was the first person I remembered when this song played on my itunes.

How long have you known this person??
~ four? five? years

Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
~ yes

Have you ever had a sleepover with this person?
~ no

If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
~ no

Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
~ yes

Do you know everything about this person?
~ no

Would you date this person’s siblings?
~ no

Have you ever made something with this person?
~ no

Have you ever worn this person’s clothes?
~ no

Have you and your person made up a hand shake?
~ no

If it was “freaky friday” would you switch bodies with this person?
~ yes

Have you ever heard this person sing?
~ yes. it was an embarrassment!

Do you and this person have a saying?
~ i think so, but i forgot.

Do you know this persons myspace password?
~ no

Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight or argument?
~ yes

Have you and this person gone clubbing?
~ no

Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
~ used to

Do you and this person talk a lot?
~ used to

Do you like this person?
~ used to

Have you and this person got into a fight?
~ yes

Do you want to go out with this person??
~ no

Do you want to be friends with them forever?
~ yes

Highways

2008-03-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

One thing I missed most is driving in NLEX. I love NLEX. The tree-lined roads and the vast plains and the cool breeze that slaps on your face.

I just love it! I missed driving with my cousins and uncles and aunt in NLEX, that's what we did awhile ago. My uncle craved for food and then Vic, tito Bon, tita Krick, Gabo and I went to NLEX to get something to eat. I just missed it. Good music, good vibes, and good company. Not so much of good food, well, KFC and Chowking, could be considered good fastfood.

I'm soooo glad I'm home.

almost to tears

2008-03-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

yes, I am almost to tears but since I am not in the privacy of our flat, I can't cry. Oh, I don't cry.

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.

This week, I didn't want to go home. I know, it's ironic that for the past months I've been dying to go home. But due to recent events(I know right? Events. Parang something big kahit hindi naman, at wala naman talaga) I suddenly didn't want to go home.

But, the only way to fix it is to go home and actually face it and deal with it. It's so typical of me to run away, but this time I'm planning to run away even without being in close proximity. Yes, I am totally avoiding it. It will be one big... I don't know.

Shet, eto nanaman ako. Anticipating. nakakaloka! Hindi dapat isipin. Pero, what can I do? Wala naman akong ginagawa, kaya no choice. Palagi nalang naiisip. Leche talaga. tapos ngayon, sheeet. this is bad. Way bad.

Akala ko nung una, okay lang. But then, ............

..........................

anxiety lang siguro to. I'm nervous about flying alone.

Gaano ka kagulo sa HS? Ako 95%

2008-03-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

To prove Janica wrong, I'm answering this! so obviously galing to kay Janica

DURING YOUR HIGHSCHOOL LIFE...
Lagyan ng 'x' sa gitna ng [ ] kapag ito
ay naaangkop sa iyo!

1.[x] Nagcutting ka na? -naaalala ko pa yung first time ko, with Kai 3rd year, first subject: chem nagtago kami sa fire escape:))

2.[x ] Ginagawang
basketball/volleyball/
kahit anong sports ang klasroom niyo. -yup. nagpapatintero kami, pusoy dos, at marco polo at umaakyat kami sa ibabaw ng locker at sumasabit sa bintana

3.[x] Palabas-labas ka ng room kapag
nababagot -yuzz! cr! :D--kasama ko si janica:)) at dun lang hanggang lumabas yung teacher

4.[x] Sumisigaw ka at ginagawang
playground ang room kapag walang
teacher. -kahit may teacher, kebs. haha :))--true, well sa isang teacher lang

5.[x] Hindi ka nakikinig sa mga
sermon ng
mga guro at madalas ay nakikipag
sign language ka pa sa classmate
mo. -and doodle with kamille :))--true

6.[x] Nangongopya ka o *nagpapakopya ka
kahit short quiz lamang. -i have an infamous math experience :)) isa ko sa mga negtest sa covered court:))

7.[x] Nahuli ka
na pero hindi ka pa
rin tumitigil sa pangongopya. -read number 6 :))-- oh yes.

8.[x] Tinataasan mo ng boses ang iyong
titser. -isang beses lang nung first year at dahil dun na guidance ako pero hindi tungkol sa incident yung topic ng teacher ko with my dad.

9.[X] Nakikinig ka sa iPod/MP3 mo
habang
naglelesson ang iyong titser. -at least sa phone :))--sa phone nakikinig kami ng championships ng NBA:))

10.[x] Nandoktor ka na ng mga
quarterly exams. -oo yata. THE nung second year:))

11.[x] Pinagtatawanan mo ang
teacher mo at kahit anong simpleng
bagay na mapapansin mo sa classroom. -yuzz, banday anyone?--true!!!

12.[x] Nagsusulatan kayo ng mga
kaklase
mo habang nagtuturo ang
inyong guro. -we have truckloads of notes and text messages :))--kahit phone calls thanks to sun!:))

13.[x] Kapag umalis ang inyong guro ay
tinitingnan mo ang kanyang lesson
plan. -kahit andun yung teacher at habang nagtuturo, yung sagot ko galing sa lesson plan (Physics 3rd year)

14.[x] Kumain ka habang nagtuturo ang
inyong guro. --pwede naman eh.

15.[x]Nagtetext ka habang nagtuturo
ang inyong guro. -lalo na kapag math

16.[x] Tumatayo ka sa klase kahit
hindi ka sinasabihang tumayo. --puwede naman eh

17.[ ] Nagsusulat ka sa blackboard
kahit bawal at wala ang teacher mo. --allergic ako sa chalk. at ayaw ko ng chalk dust so NO.

18.[x] Kapag walang kwenta ang subject
at ang teacher, sadyang masarap
matulog. -AMEN!!! --I second that.

19.[x] Idinodrowing mo sa notebook mo
kung ano ang itsura ng titser mo kapag
magalit. -first charicature ko, robocop= 2nd year math teacher:))

20.[x] Dinadaldal mo ang mga tahimik
sa room para tuluyan nang umingay ang
klase. --they can't help it! or I can't. either way:))

21.[x] Dinodrawing mo itsura ng
titser mo kapag cartoons itsura nya. -uhuh hanggang ngayon

TOTAL: 18.5 * 5 = 92.5
Now, multiply it by 5 at repost this as
"Gaano ka kagulo sa HS?! Ako
__%". :D

ARRRGGGH! yung 21 at 19 parehas lang yun:))

March 5, 2008 Morning News

2008-03-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong if I don't like watching news or reading the Headlines of the news paper. I just don't like bad news.

But living in Dubai, has made me reading the news paper again. Because the news papers here, well at least the part of local news aren't so heavy. Except for today, it's kind of a bit of a drag to read a story of a five-year-old getting hit by her school bus and arriving dead at the hospital, if it's on the front page, and then another on the next page, and another caption box on the same page telling the same story. I don't know the little girl, and a lot worse has happened back in Manila so, I am not deeply saddened by their loss. Sympathies for them.

The point is, the news here are informative but not entirely bad. All about new constructions, increased minimum wage for housemaids(bad news for those hiring maids, good news for Kabayans), funny news about a drunk person getting persecuted because of wearing a g-string on publiv beach, the new technology of a computer programme that rates a person's beauty on facial measurements(i like this one), and other news.

And that's where I should stop reading the news, because once I turn the page to the region and global news, things get heavy. Seeing things that remind me why I don't like reading news papers or watching news. Deaths, poverty, and the never ending Israel-Palestine war, and the never ending Gloria resign campaign.

It's not that I don't care, but there's the phrase "never ending"-- everyday it's on the news, some slight changes but the resolution is never there (well, there are suggestions of resolutions but it never gets resolved.) It's becoming hopeless, and I for one is getting tired of it.

I have been meaning to do this but I have no experience and no knowledge of how to do this: kill the president.

See? How I pick up violence from the news? They should put parental guidance warning when the news is on air. It's much worse than those action films where cars, houses, and people blow up into pieces. At least people know that it's fictional, brought upon by special effects, it's not real. But the news! Oh! It's real, it's the reality that humans like animals are capable of killing. We are even worse than them, at least they don't kill their own kind. Humans, don't just kill their own kind, we segregate, discriminate, and push our own kind to kill theirselves. It's sick, and we call ourselves civilized and higly intelligent. It's disgusting.

Gawd. All these thoughts brought upon by just skimming through the world news, being reminded of yesterday's headline about the people in Gaza strip burrying children and over-crowded morgues and lack of cement beacause of the war. Israel where the greatest place of worship for Muslims, Christians, and Jews is located, has never been in peace. It makes you think twice about religion.

movie quotes

2008-02-26T21:58:00.000-08:00

these lines or quotes are from. :D got this from phimi.

1. Pick 15 of your favourite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike out the line and fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. STRICTLY NO GOOGLING or using IMDb search functions.

1. Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting.

2. On the contrary, Susanna. Ambivalence suggests strong feelings... in opposition. The prefix, as in "ambidextrous," means "both." The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigor." The word suggests that you are torn... between two opposing courses of action.

3. Peter you know that place between asleep and awake. That place you still can remember your dreams... [Peter slightly nods]... That's were I'll always love you Peter Pan.

4. Pan... you're pink.

5. You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there's always someone who wants to destroy it.

6. Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.

7. When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would- I would pretend I was a princess... trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. And then suddenly this knight... on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. And I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me. But never in all the time... that I had this dream did the knight say to me, "Come on, baby, I'll put you up in a great condo."

8. If you're not going to wear them, don't buy them. Leave them for someone who will get something out of them.

9. Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing.

10. Now our blood flows through each other as is done for all eternity, loyal forever, we raise our voices in the words of Mumbo Gumbo... YA-YA!

11. There will be no rescue, no intervention for us. We can only save ourselves. Many of you know influential people abroad, you must call these people. You must tell them what will happen to us... say goodbye. But when you say goodbye, say it as if you are reaching through the phone and holding their hand. Let them know that if they let go of that hand, you will die. We must shame them into sending help.

12. Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?

13. Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

14. The quickest way to ruin a relationship with someone is to actually try to have a relationship with them.

15. That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.

I'm a hermaphrodite. Wahahaha:D

2008-02-26T21:37:00.000-08:00

I got this from Bear:D

YOUR GUY SIDE:
[x] You like hoodies. Yes, I do, I do, I do. I once thought of collecting hoodies.
[x] You like jeans. staple thing.
[x] Dogs are better than cats. Cats, specially stary cats are disgusting.
[x] It's hilarious when people get hurt. Not totally, but it's funny. Physical not emotional.
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team. Basketball :D at kung anu-ano.
[x] Shopping is torture. When I'm not in the mood and I don't have enough money for all the items in the mall
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[ ] You own/ed an X-Box. I wanted one, but my parents think it's expensive and distractive.
[x] Played with HotWheels cars as a kid. Yung matchbox, I once thought of collecting matchboxes, I think they're sweet.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[x] You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
[x] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. My brothers and I used to have the toys. I wonder where they are now...
[x] You watch sports on TV. NBA all-stars pati Finals tsaka World Cup(hot legs and hot guys!)
[ ] Gory movies are cool. Most gory movies are in the horror genre so I don't watch.
[x] You go to your dad for advice. Yes.
[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[ ] You like going to high school football games. We don't have football, basketball yes, I do.
[ ] You used to/do collect football cards. Puwede bang NBA cards?
[x] Baggy pants are cool to wear. yep.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. i love co-ed sleepovers...- I agree with Phims!!! Hello? Co-ed barkada so fun fun fun!
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. Red and Green

[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Oh, people think I'm already crazy so, whatever.
[x] Sports are fun. Oh yes! yes yes yes!
[] Talk with food in your mouth. Can you?
[x] Sleep with your socks on at night. It's cold, and I read in a magazine it helps keep moisture to keep make your feet soft.

TOTAL: 16

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
[x] You wear lip gloss/stick. I'm starting to love lipsticks now.
[x] You love to shop. oh yes!
[x] You wear eyeliner I like blue now.
[x] You wear the color pink. colors are nice, it's niced to have a wide variety of colors to wear.
[x] Go to your mom for advice. Food and cooking and laundry stuff and shopping.
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[ ] You like hanging out at the mall. kapag mainit, pero hindi rin, sa labas ng mall oo.
[x] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. yes i love nail polish!
[ ] You like wearing jewelry.
[x] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. Used to, I had a lot of skirts that I seldom wear most are minis but now my dad threw them and I'm not allowed to wear minis unless summer. wtf?
[x] Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies. i once got addicted to online shopping
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[ ] You were in gymnastics/dance. I would dance in school productions but I was never part of a dance group.
[ ] It takes you more than one hour to shower, get dressed. Kapag parties lang... pero everday day to day things, less than an hour, mabilis lang ako magbihis kasi wala akong paki.
[x] You smile a lot more than you should. i smile a lot... =D... i dont think its more than i should though... hahaha... smile as much as you can noh! hahaha... it takes more muscles to frown...-- sabi ni phims but yeah I do..
[x] You have more than 6 pairs of shoes. the other night I was fixing our shoe rack here and I got to counting my shoes... so far I have 22 pairs, I think.
[x] You care about what you look like. Well, if I'm getting fat... and sometimes I do thik of how I look like, most of the time I don't care as long as I am not fat.
[x] You like wearing dresses when you can. Yes!! kaso minsan pag parties lang, I feel too girly, but I like buying dresses.
[x] You like wearing body spray/perfume. I like to smell good, and it takes off the smell of smoke.
[x] You love the movies. Oh yes!
[x] Used to play with dolls as little kid. do you consider taking barbie's head off and writing pentel on barbie's face as playing? if you do... then... yes... hahahaha --same with phims, and I used to cut all their hairs!:D and so, when my mom saw the monsters she stopped buying me dolls.
[x] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it. Yes, also on me. But most of the time I only have me.:(
[] Like being the star of everything. not so much.

Total: 16

Valentine Irony

2008-02-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

The irony of it all. I am almost to tears from watching Pretty Woman and when I flicked the channel to MTV Nicole what's-her-surname-from-Pussycatdolls' video, "Baby Love" was on. When I started singing, I burst into tears instead.

How is it that a song that you and your friends laughed at and made fun of, makes you cry? That instead of a song followed by a roar of laughter becomes broken notes followed by silence swimming in tears?

how is that?

Up and about on chic lits

2008-02-18T22:08:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2008

Good Morning! It's 2 am and I'm wide awake, must've been from all the sleep I'm getting or could be the other pole of manic depression: up and about and the lethargic over sleeping poles, or could've been induced by nicotine without caffeine. The last part is skewed, nicotine without caffeine will slow down the nervous system and calm the body, specially the nerves.

I am probably perked up by finishing a new chic lit which had a disappointing ending, I was expecting to finish the book with the heroine not getting the boy but tough luck, she always takes a new prince home in exchange of His Royal Jerkness of an ex.

When will I be able to read a chic lit that ends happily without a man in tow?

When you just got out of a relationship you wouldn't want to read of happy endings because it just makes you bitter and you've got enough pictures of fairy tales painted by friends and shoved up your ass to try make you feel better which actually makes you even more cynical and skeptical about fairy tales.
(Disclaimer: not from first hand and definitely NOT from recent experience.)

It just makes you say, "It doesn't happen in real life." ANd you just want to find a piece of literature that sympathizes with what you're feeling. But then that's what art is: to paint a picture of "the perfect," "the ideal," and "paradise." No wonder Plato scorned art as being six times removed from reality. These happy-ended stories are made to give hope to the unloved and self-doubting females that no matter what we do, or who we are, we will find our other half.

These chic lits have "women" written all over it. Women are walking contradictions and so much more, i.e. we tell each other how men can be such pigs but still eat pork and then complain that we're fat.

I guess that's why they didn't use 'woman' in the saying, "A gentleman's word."

Bathroom bitch: Janica

2008-02-18T21:38:00.000-08:00

In my world it's still Monday, February 18, reading a funny and witty chic lit that I bought out of whim.

I wanted to read something light(to match my life now) and funny(to compensate for my lack of witty friends I forgot to pack) and since I didn't want to spend all my money on just books I got a cheap "A Little Black Dress Book" which publishes chic its and had a single review from, and I quote:

"A great read, and a great laugh" -Hugh Jackman, Gorgeous Actor.

Interesting. A hot A-list actor with all the masculinity of man's physique reading a chic-lit. Half-way through and I agree with wolverine, it really is a hilarious.

What does Janica have to do with this, you say?

There's this part of the book where the heroine writes about the other woman and how you and your friend, upon seeing your ex's new girl, criticize "the other woman" head-to-toe, while reading that part I hear Janica's voice telling me all her opinion about a certain girl of a certain guy of a certain part of life and I finally understood. I just cried reading the whole chapter.

Hearing her give verdicts on certain boys of certain times, she really is a women's bathroom must-have on the friend list. (Read Jo Barrett's: The Men's Guide to the Women's Bathroom and you'll know it's a compliment.)

Well, Janica is a bathroom friend, literally. It's our hang-out place back in high school. We spend a great deal of time in Mathay's thrid floor lavatory, hiding from teachers we cut class from; buying time to not be in class but still not qualified a cut, we do it a lot during Fil class and wait 'til recess until Ma'am Villar leaves our floor; gossip; bitch about our Math/homeroom teacher, we also start school mornings in the lavatory waiting for a certain student-teacher to pass by and we'd casually go out just in time to be face to face with him and ogle at his glorious hotness (talk about school girls giggling over a hot teacher); study in front of the mirror which is really Janica's thing and I just listen to her memorize for our exam and I absorb her knowledge or you can find us prettifying before a Math test/exam so as not to look stressed from studying(which we tried to do but end up doing something else): If we flunk, we flunk with style and still look gorgeous.

Good 'ol days of high school. We still talk like that but lavatories are non-smoking places so we stepped out to where they serve caffeine/alcohol with nicotine. But we still are women and we still spend a lot of time in the bathroom gossiping.:)

oh yes!

2008-02-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

putangena! ang saya ko hindi na ulit blocked ang multiply! woohoo!

20 minutes

2008-02-17T04:04:00.000-08:00

I have twenty minutes left before going home.

I wish that this home that I am talking about is that 2-floored house and not a one-bedroom flat.

It doesn't really make a difference if I blog from my blogspot or post from my multiply, but since I replied to most people's replies to my post, Multiply is up and running at this part of the world.

I have a lot on my mind that I don't know where to begin with. Well, most of these things on my mind are just sentiments and nostalgic memories that make me miss all the people i love and even those I don't love.

I miss receiving messages from random people. That is one thing I took for granted back home. Those mass messaging that sometimes annoy me and just delete and ignore, I am now missing badly.

I know I'm gonna get in trouble if I say that I miss the taste of Marlboro and Dunhill, and the bad taste of vomit when I get overly drunk, but I do miss those things which are totally prohibited here, unless you have a liquor license and well the smoking thing is just a rule my dad made.

I miss going home late because here I never really get out of the house.

I miss school and all the stress, because I don't get stressed here.

I miss my mom's cooking, because I do all the cooking here.

I miss talking to people my age... it's hard to know what their age is here and most kids who play outside are little kids.

I miss laughing. Real good laugh over silly things that are not funny to other people listening to your group's discussions.

and lastly, I miss not sleeping. Because that's all I do here. Sleep.

Mi Familia

2008-02-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

(Left): taken during a ride to Bulacan. (Right): Christmas ’07
Who would believe I’d be missing these two rascals?
I miss mi bebe. There’s no chubby little kid to hug around here. And no one to tell that no body loves him. And then hug him.
I miss Vic. Le fashion consultant. Who would ever think that I ask Vic if a shirt/jeans/shoes looks nice on me? No one, but I do. I like shopping with Vic as much as he hates walking around malls with me, but I’m older so he has no choice. :D

My babies!!! Need I say more? Well I want to say more. I miss my little babies they are so cuddly and witty and smart and sweet and lovable and I just love them.
I miss hugging them and playing with them and feeding them and just taking care of ‘em.

These crazy girls are my sisters. They are my cousins and aunt but they’ve always been like my sisters. They act like my age… or I act like their age but who cares? The bottom line is that we love each other and they’re as crazy as I am, or maybe worse. Hahaha and we are all pretty and we kick ass in academics (or I think I kick ass as well as they do) and did I say crazy? And we all love bargains and good food. Definitely good food. And I am missing them so much. The hang outs at cafes and eating and eating and eating. We just love to eat, and shop.
Pictures: (top left) taken during a traffic jam in Makati going to a wake of some relative. I just got my curls. And they were calling me kulot and laughing the whole time.
(top right) ate Jessa and I really hyper from eating a lot. (Mid left) at lola’s room camwhoring and all hyper from eating lechon (Mid right) ate Jeelyn and I at lola’s birthday party (Bottom) Tita Lot and I camwhoring in Baguio

Another amazing person that I miss is my aunt, tita Krick. Gawd, I miss her so much and our late night escapades, playing with makeup, good music, good food, drinks, friends and good vibes, sneaking in at my lolo’s house at five in the morning wishing and then trying to make her husband, tito Bon, bring us to their surfing trip [because he wouldn’t as punishment for getting caught], camwhoring, laughing, and just plain tripping.
[pictures: top(clockwise) tita krick and I at Sofitel after a night out, tita krick and I at lolo’s house, tita krick and I at zambales surfing and selling stuff.]

**after this, my dinosaur of a laptop broke down again and this time I couldn't revive it. But I am missing more than these people. :(

random people quoted

2008-02-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

posting here because I cried and laughed because of it... today.

"yes bear... gift ko un before u leave... hahaha" [on meteor showers, Dec. 14, 2007]

"Sabi ng nanay ko hug at kiss daw. at mamimiss ka daw nya at ingat ka daw lagi at enjoy ka dun." [Dec. 14, 2007]

"You won't be there sa xmas party.. para magsuka. Hahaha" [Dec. 14, 2007] --natawa talaga ko dito, at naging nostalgic.

"Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken. " - Paulo Coelho

"pag masaya bitin, pagbd3p ang bagal!"

"Boy: Gawa mo?

Girl: Wala. Ikaw?

Boy: Wala rin. Gusto mo gawa tayo?"

"So call me captain backfire." -My Stupid Mouth [kasi yung prank na ginawa ko nag back fire nakalock yung ref buong araw at nadala ng tatay ko yung susi!]

"The best date is with someone who can take you anywhere without touching anything but your heart."

"How do you expect them to know you if you put like a wall over yourself?"

"asshole is another word for? hahaha" --sobrang benta 'to kasi alam ng lahat ng tao ang sagot dahil sa nagsabi neto!

"Inday: Everyone is beautiful, except in the eyes of insecure bitches."

"Words don't have power over you... unless, the person who said them means a lot to you." [Oct. 3, 2007]

"Then this is what I think you should do.. Stop selling yourself short.. Stop being a bitch and/or a slut.. It's really not hat appealing anymore. Start respecting yourself and your body.. you won't attract a decent guy with the image you are putting out. If you really want a guy that will respect you... start respecting yourself. And start paying attention to the things I say."

"Wala lang.. Maybe it's fine being the voice at the back of your head. And with the flirting thing.. Even though you haven't fuck yet.. The image that you have is there.. Kissing and making out means that kissing doesn't mean that much to you.. What would be the difference in kissing a nobody and a somebody? Isn't it more romantic if every kiss means something? Coz not all kisses mean love.. You know that.. I know that."

--sobrang bigat ng mga yan. as in woah!

"'No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality.' kaya okay lang maging krungers. Get it get it? Haha. Miss u b."

"You probably won't remember the exam you failed, but you will never forget the person you were with the night before you decided not to study." --I say, I wouldn't forget the people I cheated with.

"Never make the same mistake twice... there are so many new ones to make. Try a different one each day!"

Summer

2008-02-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

WTF??? This is the first time ever in my life that I was overwhelmed and happy-- to the point of crying-- to be taking summer classes.

Well, only in college/ because of college did I ever attend summer school but I am just happy and overwhlemed and excited and thankful that I am going to school summer or not. I am extra happy though that I am studying this summer.

OH yes!! I am so going to school this summer.

Okay, I am not going to be a hypocrite summer school is really the best excuse to stay out of the house and this time, the ultimate excuse to go back home. And I am also excited to go back to all the pressure and stress brought on by school.

Taking a break really does makes a big difference as to how people see things, and being away from something that I have always loved and thought of being the only thing good that I am good at makes the reunion sweeter. I never thought of having a love-hate relationship with education. But it's definitely a relationship I would never give up on.

sad note:
I've never heard of the Philippines sending out scholars abroad. While here in the UAE they are going to double the allowance of the emiratis studying abroad so that they will have a decent life and be psychologically stable to wherever in the world they are studying. I wish our government would uplift the education system back home.

i can't believe this!

2008-02-10T03:39:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that until now I am still jealous. punyeta.

Well... not because he's happy with someone else and that that someone is not me. Hell, I am over that. Way over that shit.

I am jealous because he's in love. He is deeply in love with a girl who loves him just the same, if not more. I am jealous that they are deeply, madly in love with each other. And I have no one to love. Or probably I am just handicapped on that subject.

I am jealous that despite his past he still has the ability to love, while I on the other hand, despite everything, is very much incapable of loving anyone but myself.

to dearest friends

2008-02-10T03:32:00.000-08:00

i will be using my blogspot for the mean time because of the previous post.

photos will be uploaded from time to time.

i hope papa takes me shopping again... to atone for this disastrous discovery.

bummer

2008-02-10T03:18:00.000-08:00

This is a fucking bummer! I can't open my multiply because this freaking country blocks the access to it because they're opinion is that the contents of multiply is inconsistent to it's values.

Gwd, forgive me if you think connecting with friends and families and sharing with them your life is immoral. Sue me!

I'm just infuriated right now. Gawd, it's totally not helping my homesickness and it's definitely not helping the shit I'm in right now.

fuck it.

again

2008-02-02T23:50:00.000-08:00

100 Things You Might Not Know About Me...

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT??
my right thumb, napaso sa yosi kasi tanga. Left knee, I was running around in school and then tripped, I hid it for a week until the wound got worse.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
paint, chipping off

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?

I don’t know. Nobody ever complained yet.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
reggae, movie soundtracks, alternative

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
around 4 pm

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
a massage!!

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
inuman with friends:D

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
my vintage raybans :D

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
around 5’6

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
sometimes.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
no.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
jeannine-y

13. WHATS YOUR WORST FEAR?
failure

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I like dark haired and light eyed. What? Hahaha. Dark hair(brown/black) light-colored eyes (not dark brown)

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
sa office. Business proposal wahhaahha!

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
coffee!!!

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
cheese and tomatoes:D

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
fried chicken:D

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
rainbow brite! hahaha

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
i remember jackass.-agree with vic. And no.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
a birthday card

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
now? No, I don’t have.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
I don’t think so.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
H&M, Bayo, U, Mango

25. WHO IS THE HOTTEST FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
Gwen Stefani, Brad Pitt

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
No moreL

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
used to be a dog

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS
LEAVING?
NO.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
2

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
brunettes

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
I am out of USA

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
sweets and chicken and cheesy food

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
I guess.

37. FIRST JOB?
tutor

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
yes.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOULMATE?

No. only those who believes in the concept of souls and soulmates.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
answering other stuff I got from vic.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
no.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
I have no idea. My clothes? Something I am wearing.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
Yes.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A massage chair:D or a bull dog:D

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
As many as I can raise and as long as I don’t get fat.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I don’t know.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
cockiness and smell

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
yung walang teacher buong araw tapos magc-cards lang o kaya mag lalaro ng patintero or kaya ng agawan base o kaya langit lupa.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
dove, herbal essence

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
sometimes

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
chicken

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
smoking, eating

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
yes, but I don’t show it.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
yes

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
yes

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
yes

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
drink, smoke, shout, listen to angry music, talk to someone

59. WHATS YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
piss off my mom, and be happy. Which ever comes first hahaha

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?

Lego and my Disney castle

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
10:D 0-9

62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
no.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Let’s see… uhhh NO :D

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
mashed potatoes

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
someone who let’s me push him around but I’ll be scared of.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Kam, Lucy, Kamel, Kamote

68. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
FRIENDS!!! Grey’s Anatomy, Grounded For Life,

69.WHATS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
ignore

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
chocolate peanut butter, Belgian chocolate, strawberry cheesecake

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
yes

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
yes

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
sleep

74. WHAT'S THE FASTEST YOU'VE EVER GONE IN A CAR?
120/140 but I wasn’t driving.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
yes:D

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
I have no choice, my dad snoring

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
water

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
papa

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Body shape

80. WHAT DO U LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

Read, watch a movie whichever is appealing at the time.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
CURFEW PO—I AGREE!!!

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR?
March—kakabakasyon lang so may pera pa:D

83. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Lollipops and gummies

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
yes.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
black

86. EYE COLOR?
brown—coffee? Brown yung onti lang yung creamJ)

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
KFC :D at Jollibee

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Fish and Co., Yo! Sushi, Sumo Sam, TK, Italliani’s :D

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?

YES!!!!

91. Last thing you watched?
Mystic River

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Birthday ni lola. Palaging may celebration:D

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
guitar—onti lang

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
I have no idea what their stands are, but since Bush is a republican, I’ll go for Democrats

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Hugs

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
relationshits—benta VIC! One night shits.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
shirt from Topman. YEY!!!! (cathy, meron na ko nung shirt na sinasabi ko sayo!)

98. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM?
low

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Sophie’s World pa rin at The Picture of Dorian Gray

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE:
nonexistent.

another from my brother:))

2008-02-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

My 105 Truths
1. real name – Marie Louise Kamille Soriano Vicente
2. like it – Can live with it, I like Lucy better:D
3. single or taken - single
4. zodiac sign - Virgo
5. male or female - Female
6. elementary - MCGS
7. high school – Quezon City Science High School
8. college – Ateneo De Manila University
9. eye color – Brown
10. hair color – Black
15. are you a health freak – NO
16. height – about 5’6”
17. do you have a crush on someone – no
18. do you like yourself – some parts, sometimes
19. piercings – one on each ear
20. tattoos – I want to, but I can’t stand big needles
21. righty or lefty – righty

FIRSTS
22. first surgery – none that I know of.
23. first piercings – I’ve had them since forever
24. first best friend – Andrea Tatad
26. first sport – Swimming
27. first pet – Dog
28. first vacation – either Baguio or a random Beach
30. first crush – Cedric from kinder

CURRENTLY
49. eating – nothing
50. drinking – nothing
51. about to – get ready for bed
52. listening to – the voices from Mystic River
53. waiting for – the movie to finish
54. wearing – Bermudas and turtlenecks
56. want to get married – I don’t know
67. careers in mind – medicine, relief worker, teacher, theatre person

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. lips or eyes – eyes!
69. hugs or kisses – kisses
70. shorter or taller – taller
71. tan skinned or light skin – light skin or a nice tan? Depends:D
72. romantic or spontaneous – romantic philosophy:D
73. dark or light hair – dark hair:D
74. muscular or normal – lean please
75. Hook up or relationship? – hook ups
76. similar to you or different – surprise me

HAVE YOU EVER
78. kissed a stranger – yes
80. broken a bone – yes
81. climbed up a tree – YES!!!
82. broken someones heart – no.
83. turned someone down – yes.
84. liked a friend as more than a friend – yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
86. yourself – not all the time.
89. Santa Claus – no. never got a gift from him
90. kiss on the first date – yeah, whatever. hahaha
91. angels – not anymore.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
92. Is there one or more people you want to be with right now? Yes! More people please!!
93. Do you hang out with these people? Yes
94. Are you cool? No.

LASTS-
95. Text message - Papa
96. Recieved call - Papa
97. Call made to - Papa
98. Comment on friendster - Carlo
99. Missed Call - Papa
100. Person you hung out with - Jeannine
101. You hugged – Sean :D
103. You talked to – my dad
104. You slapped - Papa
105. Said I love you to - Jeannine

Finally!

2008-02-02T23:46:00.000-08:00

Jan. 31, 2008

I finally finished Sophie's world. It is just a philosophical book. It's dragging and it isn't that spectacular as what everybody says, and what the reviews says, but we are all entitled to our own opinions and how we perceive things, besides it cannot be all true. It is a good philosophical book, but I am not in the position to say that because I don't know and I haven't read a real philosophical book yet, but it did give some powerful insights and somehow it lights a spark of a new kind of curiosity (for those who haven't have that kind yet) or fire up your mind into asking existentialist questions.

Somehow, that book made me question religion and spirituality even more. Before reading the book I am already questioning the religion I was born into and after reading the book I questioned spirituality even more.

I have always(well not always, but since I have learned about Christian faith and dogma and life) been skeptical about priests preaching heaven and hell and all that after life showcase. How can they know about it? Have they seen it? Has anybody really came back from that after life and confirm its existence?

Another thing about my skepticism that until after reading Sophie's World, I thought was stupid. Father Ben the president of the Loyola Schools, gave a lecture about the beginning of life. He gave all these images of how the world was before man. And it made me ask (my seat mate at that time because I wouldn't dare ask him myself), "How did they know that that's how the world look like 4 million years ago? Did they see it? And if it is based on their calculations, how sure are they that those calculations are the correct ones? It all starts with a hypothesis, and then the experimentation and the observation, but history or the beginning of the earth cannot be observed, at some point they have to start with an assumption and work their way through it. But how can they really prove that that assumption is really the beginning?" so on and so on. It's a never ending question, so I don't think that those scientists shouldn't be awarded for their findings and "discoveries" but rather for their attempt to know our origin and for their search for it. On the other hand, those who thought of them as the great discoveries of mankind should be crucified because it makes student's life hard with all those shit that teachers make their students memorize when it cannot be the absolute truth about our beginnings, and even though there are a lot of theories about where the earth sprouted from, they still force students to memorize the names and the theories to get that really bright star on their papers.

Instead schools should change their curriculums to equip the students for their own search of the truth about their origins then maybe we'd know by now how the universe came to life.

The Little Girl is Pissed

2008-02-02T23:44:00.000-08:00

Jan. 31, 2008

Yes, I am pissed. Really pissed. Not just that I feel like it's going to be the time of the month but also I am extra pissed off with my dad as I am frustrated with myself and gets easily pissed at everything. Arrrrgh!!!

Our room now looks like New Year's Eve with all the smoke from fireworks, but this time it's from my dad's friends' cigarettes! I just freakin' cleaned the house, from the kitchen floors, to the living/dining room floors, to the bedroom and the bathroom!!! Gawd I fuckin' cleaned the bathroom! I scrubbed the floors, the tiles, the tub, the sink, and the toilet! and after all that the freaking washing machine flooded my clean sparkling tiles! Gawd!!!

And since my dad is having their weekly drinking sessions here at our flat it will all be messed up. And the food!!! the food!!! Damn it! The food! My uncle and I spent Dhs300 on meat and seafood and now the fridge is once again, almost empty! That's just yesterday! They're all here eating crispy ulo with a special sauce and the shrimp and the mango fish!!! I am pissed because I wasn't able to eat as much as I want to during dinner.

Why?

Because my dad kept looking at me as if saying, "Ang anak ko parang baboy." Every once in a sentence he'd add something, "Naneng o!" while pinching my arms or my stomach. Or he'd comment on my legs, "Naneng mas malaki pa legs mo sakin." Gawd!!! And he didn't stop there tonight! He said, "Naneng, pinaguusapan ka nila tito Jet mo kanina sabi 'yan si Kamille, magaling yan eh, kaso tumataba na talaga eh. May double chin na." and he just wouldn't stop looking at me as if I am the ugliest fattest most disgusting creature he has ever seen eat. So much for being a daddy's girl, eh? With that, I stopped eating, left the table and never went back.

I know I'm going to regret that, if I wake up tomorrow morning looking for those dishes and all I'm ever gonna see our clean plates and pots.

Thinking about all the food just pisses me off adding to their noise, their boisterous laughter over some gibberish someone said.

And when I told my dad about us going to the fun fair and other events of the festival like Bungee jumping he just gave me that "oo" that means no. Added more, gawd!!!!!!!!!!!

And I just couldn't figure out how to solve my brother's 4x4 Rubiks cube. And I just feel overly stupid.

Thanks a lot for boosting my self esteem. Am I not only fat, but I am only stupid. Good thing I have no interest in anybody here, and I have nobody to impress.

**revenge is sweet, I feel like I'm going to have an asthma attack. And my father wouldn't know what to do. And I am going to blame it all on him. :D

Vic said so...

2008-02-02T23:40:00.000-08:00

I got from Victor.

SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. failure
2. not having enough time to do the things I want to do
3. getting hurt
4. cockroach
5. myself
6. losing someone
7. an over crowded place with people I don’t know

SEVEN THINGS YOU LIKE THE MOST

1. Beach and everything you can do in it
2. shopping
3. chicken
4. watching films/movies/tv
5. Reading books and fashion magazines
6. I like going out with friends
7. I like traveling

SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR ROOM

1. Bed

2. My pillows

3. Laptop

4. Books

5. Door with knob and lock

6. Windows

7. Electric fan

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU

1. My shoe-size is US7 (women) 5 for men.
2. I own 4 pairs of sunglasses.
3. I have 7 pairs of chuck taylors.
4. I only have a 2GB ipod nano.
5. I played for my HS Girl’s Basketball varsity team and won a medal.
6. I played tennis for four years.
7. I joined along with 2 other English blockmates the Dela Costa cup and won an award.

SEVEN THINGS YOU PLAN TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. surf in Siargao and Australia

2. Go Scuba diving

3. Pet a tiger

4. Bungee jump

5. Sky dive

6. go to Greece

7. race a car

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO
1. swim
2. surf
3. cook
4. smoke
5. drive
6. snorkel
7. can do whatever I want to do

SEVEN THINGS YOU CANT DO
1. get an A in Accounting
2. go home late everyday
3. shift to any course
4. kill a cockroach
5. catch a fish (it always eats the bait and get away)
6. I can’t stand my mother nowadays
7. carry an elephant with my bare hands

SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT YOU TO THE OPPOSITE SEX
1. jaw line : sexy

2. nose : matangos

3. eyes : expressive, deep set, sexy

4. body: lean meat, not too skinny, not overly muscular

5. abs

6. how he carries his self and his clothes
7. abilities: footballer/ real good in basketball/ drummer/ rockstar/ surfer/ skater

SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST
1. tangina
2. gago
3. it’s okay
4. well/oh well
5. okaaay
6. asa
7. ooh la la

SEVEN CELEB CRUSHES
1. Rooney’s vocals
2. Adam Levigne
3. Justin Timberlake
4. Ashton Kutcher

5. Milo V.
6. Brad Pitt
7. Stephen

SEVEN PEOPLE YOU WANT TO SEE TAKE THIS TEST
1. Cathy Reyes
2. Phimie Soriano
3. Charles Co
4. Airon Bonifacio
5. Em Gaboy
6. Tita Krick
7. Justin Sy

(How fun would it be if they answer this:D and welcome Em to Multiply:D)

stolen from Janica

2008-02-02T23:39:00.000-08:00

1.)Do you like Valentine's Day?
♥..♥ no.

2.)Are you going to celebrate it?
♥..♥ no.

3.)Celebrate Valentine's Day with
Friends or someone Special?
♥..♥ I don’t celebrate it.

4.)Pink or red?
♥..♥ RED:D

5.)Candy Hearts OR cards?
♥..♥ cards

6.)A short kiss or a big hug?
♥..♥ short kiss

7.)What are your plans for V-day?
♥..♥ sleep. Sleep and sleep.

8.)Are you single,Crushing,or Taken?
♥..♥ single.

9.)Heart broken this Valentine's Day?
♥..♥ NO

10.)Breaking any hearts on Valentine's
Day?
♥..♥ no.

11.)would get back with any of ur X's
for V-day?
♥..♥ I do not have one, ergo NO.

12.)Cupid is_________________
♥..♥ a mythological creature

13.)Do you want someone you can't have?
♥..♥ No. But I want someTHING I can’t have.

14.)How many people want to be your
Valentine?
♥..♥ I don’t know and I don’t care.

15.)How do you want them to ask you to
be their Valentine?
♥..♥ I couldn’t care much less as long as they don’t.

16.)Who do you want to be your
Valentine?
♥..♥ I don’t want one.

17.)are you going to ask them?
♥..♥ No.

18.)Are they going to ask you?
♥..♥ I hope not.

19.)Do you have a Valentine already?
♥..♥ Not wanting to have one.

20.)who?
♥..♥ haaay, redundant questions. –agree.

21.)What gifts do you want for V-day?
♥..♥ a massage or a drinking spree:D

WTF?

2008-01-25T04:13:00.000-08:00

Right now I hate tall buildings and the fact that our building is small.

I can hear the fireworks from Festival City (that's how near it is from our flat) the beautiful fireworks and it sucks that it's too cold outside, and I'm too lazy to go out and that there's a building blocking my view from all the windows in our flat!!!

arrrrgghhh!!! 30-minutes of torture!!! hearing the fireworks and not be able to see it(well, I can see those that are way up high and the smoke). :(

Tomorrow I shall see it from a really good view!

Nothing to Write Home About

2008-01-24T03:47:00.000-08:00

I find myself with nothing to write about. I was reading a some blog entries from random people's blog page and they have something to write about, opinions to speak out, experiences that are worthy enough to share. And I kinda felt small because of the lame things I have been blabbing about. All I ever write about is my homesickness, my opinions about myself, my rants and all other "my" stuff.

A friend once suggested, when he found out I'm staying here in Dubai for a long time, to write. This is an opportunity for me to write about things I wanted to write about but never having the time to do so.

And now that I have all the time in the world to write, I just can't seem to remember the things I wanted to write about. I'm trying to make the door between my consciousness and the unconscious part of my mind ajar with the hope of having an insight about the things I'd like to write about. But I can't still find them.

I can't be that kind of writer who keeps her/himself locked up in a tower, in seclusion to write about things. I need to be submerged in the life I want to write about, first-hand experience as much as possible, or at least see it with my own eyes perceive it with my own senses.

I want to write about poverty, and find beauty in it, give hope to uplift it, and make those who dwell in it happy. I want to write about the simple life, how having nothing to just enough could be the happiest place you could ever wish for. I want to write about life. And where I am right now is not the best place for me to see all those things.

Why? Well, there aren't any poor people here. You wouldn't see beggars on the streets, there are no homeless people, those people they call poor here are those who gets paid low wages, who live at flats where rent is cheap. But it's nothing like the poverty in the Philippines nor the United States(where there still are homeless people--that's what I see on TV) where there are beggars and homeless and unemployed and kids dying from starvation and robberies and other crimes that spells out "desperately need money." At least that's what I see.

See??? I can't write with the conviction I need to make my compositions believable, at least for me! I can't because I am not sure if this is the reality of it. I haven't really seen the whole of it, I watch minimal news here only the ones in English which is mainly about the economy and business status here in Dubai there are no headlines of people getting killed or getting robbed except for this article in the news paper where the title said "Suspect does not know why he stabbed compatriot" that's about it. The only killings you'd hear and/or see in the news are those at Palestinian boundaries (e.g. Egypt, Israel.)

Okay, now I am lost. I don't know why the fuck I'm complaining about the life here it's what almost everybody would be wishing for in a country. The sheikhs are spending millions of Dirhams to build fancy villas for the citizens(nationals) of UAE to live in, you do not have to worry about getting mugged at dark alleys, you can have a week's worth of food for Dhs100 (that includes meat, fish, chicken, vegetables), and you can have your grocery delivered.

But then again, I'm not like almost everybody, I've always wanted to live at the edge of having just enough money to pay my bills, free-lancing on theatre work and other art stuff, being content with a job that's not really time demanding... I want to be a fisherman and a farmer and live outside the city and teach kids for food. That would be a very ideal life for me. And not having lots of money would piss off my parents. Fun!:D And being here, with all the development and shit is killing that picture for me. I have no food to feed that vision. :( There's no simple life here, "comfort" which most companies are selling means "luxury", "glamour", etc. It's shit. It's all about sky-high buildings and almost everything that capitalist would ever dream of. It's like all those hip-hop music videos(blings, cars, money, minus the women i think) come to life. It's disgusting!

And the last thing, how can I write about life, when I have no life here. I never get to go out, I have no friends, and I have no one to talk to.

Stinginess

2008-01-24T03:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, bad move to spend Dhs15 for a cup of coffee. If I didn't spend that Dhs20 for a stupid cup of coffee I would have enough money to buy either the following:

1) Evita Peroni shades (though I have 3 pairs now I still want round black big shades).

2) A shirt from Zara or Mango

3) 2 tops form Jeans West store

4) A pair of billabong slippers

5) In Her Shoes original DVD

6) Aldo shades

all which I like. And if I wasn't sooo impulsive with calls I wouldn't have to spend Dhs25 on load which I don't really need that much then I'd have my In Her Shoes DVD now and any of the 5 items that I wanted! Arggh! Stupid stupid me.

Stinginess is not really fitting for this title because I just want to buy buy buy! But then when I am about to buy it I stare at the item for a really long time contemplating of wether to buy it or not and then I 'd just get pissed at everything I wouldn't be in a mood to buy anything at all. Then I'd end up spending all the money I saved up to buy a certain piece of clothing or accesory on some impulsive book buying(even though I still have lots of unopened books from previous whimsy purchase.)

Maybe I feel guilty from making my dad buy me a lot of stuff. He should just give me some budget to spend on my shopping in that way I'd have this feel of spending my own money. :D

Gawd, what's happening to me??? I'm getting nicer and considerate.

But then again, I guess not because I didn't feel guilty buying a new pair of bikini from Billabong which I now realize a little too expensive for a swim suit. But who cares? I don't. My dad doesn't mind buying them though I told him I was gonna buy shirts. And they were 50% off. :D I had top and bottom for only Dhs120! Happy me:D Plus I have new flip flops.

Hmmmm... :D

Shopping List for DSF:
1) Denim skinny jeans (dark)

2) Shorts

3) Shirts (Zara, Mango, Jeans West)

4) Boots (black leather)

5) Polo

6) Sandals

7) Flats

8) Black formal shoes

9) Black dress

10) Dress

Light bulb!

2008-01-22T23:41:00.000-08:00

I realized that I am the only person who knows how to love me best. I still have doubts though, so

whoever knows and loves me better than I love myself will be my greatest love of all. :D

it's kicking in

2008-01-22T21:39:00.000-08:00

I feel sad because:

1) I don't have friends here.

2) I have no one to talk to, and if this goes on longer I might go crazy..er.

3) I want to watch these movies:

a) 27 Dresses (which I promised to watch with Janica.)

b) Sweeney Todd

c) The Assassination of Jesse James

d) Across the Universe

e) Sleuth

f) The movie with Joanne Cusack and the little kid who thinks he's a martian.

4) I haven't seen anyone here who I think is my age.

5) It's too cold outside to run, or I think I'm just too lazy to run alone.

6) I'm sick of watching shows from GMA.

7) I can't shop until February.

8) I feel fat... well, I am fat. My dad said I'm gonna burst soon.

9) I am always at home. I never get to leave home and our 'home' is too small to be anywhere at all.

10) I am broke.

The only thing that makes me laugh now is Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

"Once again, at the end of the day we find ourselves stuck together in some nasty way." -Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

Oh, and that I was able to talk to Jeannine today on the phone.

And that I woke up today feeling pretty. That usually don't happen cause I feel ugly when I wake up most of the time.

20 questions minus no. 3

2008-01-22T21:36:00.000-08:00

Grabbed from Janica :D

20 deep questions that could really tell you something.

[ Not simple questions like "How Old Are You?" ]

1. Is it difficult for you to look into someone's eyes when you are telling them how you feel?
Yes, when I don’t want them to know about it. But if I want them to, it’s a piece of cake… I guess.

2. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?
Probably my dad. Or Niki if my dad’s with me on the plane. I really don’t know could you make a phone call on a burning plane? Ooooh! I know, my mom cause her number’s the only one I memorize by heart. :D

How come there’s no number 3????

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.

(A)Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
It would be nice to surprise them that I’ll just fall dead because they might change they way they would act around me. But I’ll probably tell my parents to get money and people to get my way.:D

(B) What will you do with your remaining days?
Do whatever I want. :D

(C) Would you be afraid?
I fear a lot of things but not death, because I it’s inevitable. But to know that you might not have enough time might scare me. Or not.

5. You have the following two things:
an ipod and a mobile?
Yes. Music and loved ones(or at least a way to reach them). :D

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Try to get the dog, but if it’s real dirty and the canal is real dirty I might not.

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, Where would you go?
Europe the whole of it!

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Yes.

10. Does love = sex?
NO! You might have sex because of love. But sex does not equate to love, it’s an action not a feeling.

11. Your best friend dies, what would you do?
I would definitely not die after her. Definitely that would be sad, extremely horrific, and it would definitely make me cry.

12. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
Fuck. I don’t know. I usually don’t tell everything. Heck, I don’t tell myself everything. Last year. March last year.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back ?

Love them. Emotionally draining.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
Myself. Oh, wait, I have. This question is hard. My education, I can’t just stop studying altogether, get breaks but not stop.

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
When I talk to my friends.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had "no regrets" what would it be?
First thing that came to mind was the March 12 thing. But then it was fun. So 2^nd thing was messing it up with Alex but then it became a good experience. And then the preparation for my debut came. It could’ve been more if I wasn’t too lazy and made up my mind earlier than a month before my birthday.

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?
My lola, or my dad or my mom. Depends where I am. I would definitely run!

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
Yes, I’ve always wanted to do CPR.

19. Are you old-fashioned?
Like, clothes? Hahaha. Kidding, I can’t say yes but not entirely a no.

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or
have never loved before?
True love. But if I hadn’t felt a little taste of an almost true love I’d say have never loved before because then you wouldn’t know what you’re missing.

Selfish me

2008-01-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

My wanting to be selfless is also because of something for myself which is also a selfish act. It’s a conscious aspiration which makes it something selfish. Being selfless is something that should naturally come out of your heart, unconsciously, something you don’t think of, something that comes from your bones and being, imprinted in your DNA. Which I don’t think is in mine. Sadness of it all.

Random thought

2008-01-22T21:32:00.000-08:00

Why most people write well when they have problems, when the world is on their shoulders, when they’re sad, heartbroken, lonely and all the negative things could happen, they write better, more creative, more artistic, and more inspired than when they are happy.

—It is because when you are happy, all you want to do is to concentrate on that moment, relish it, make the most out of it. And since everybody knows that time goes by faster when you’re happy we cannot waste any moment of it to write all about it. All that your time can afford are single words that would best describe what you’re feeling; e.g. happy, bliss, perfect, pleasure, fantastic, fabulous, magical, ecstatic, wonderful, euphoric(well, you can’t even think of those deep words), dream come true. And when the time comes to write about it, the moment of happiness is gone or probably the source of our happiness is gone and all we have are the memories of those happy moments. The only way to relive those happy memories is to remember it, and probably write about it. But it will always give this biting nostalgia to it that makes you cry, most of the time. And when happiness is gone, it’s always replaced by something of the opposite. And that’s why most people write better when they are sad. Either they write about their sorrows or they write about happy memories. But other talented people just write whenever they feel like it whether they are happy or sad.

Ice Cream Galore

2008-01-20T21:52:00.000-08:00

I scream. You Scream. We all scream for ice cream!

If I was to be in Cribs and show the viewers what I have in our fridge, and what's a staple thing to be inside it are:

1) Juice: Orange juice and Apple juice

2) Milk

3) Ice Cream

That's it. All my dad and I need. Ice cream. Here in Dubai, Baskin&Robbins ice cream parlor are really everywhere. There are 2 Baskin & Robbins near our flat. One in Burjuman and One in Sheikh Rashid(?) Road (I'm not really sure what're the names of the roads around). Anyway, there are a couple of good ice cream parlors here, not that I go to a them a lot 'cause I'm good with a pint of ice cream at home(and that I'm too lazy to go out of the house); Marble and Slab, Baskin and Robbins, Swensen, Gelati?(it sells really good looking gelato!) and a couple of local ice cream parlors. So far I've yet to try Marble and Slab because every time I am around the vicinity it's too early to get myself an ice cream.

I don't really miss the local ice creams except for FIC which I really love but somehow Hagen Daz kinda beats it. I used to not really like Haagen Dazs when I was in the Philippines, but I got to really appreciate it's taste here. I guess it's better than London Dairy, Kwality, Igloo, and Baskin Robbins(which are the brands of ice cream you'd find in the groceries). I definitely love Haagen Dazs' Belgian Chocolate and Summer Berries and Strawberry Cream, those are my favorite flavors. The Belgian chocolate isn't that sweet, kinda like dark chocolate plus the chocolate shavings mixed with it and the berries weren't too sweet with the syrup and there were real fruits. I'm big with the real things in ice cream that's why I really love Swensen! But it's far from our house and it's hard to go to Sharjah which is 2 hours away from Bur Dubai(where I live) because of traffic. It's kinda like going to Tagaytay for Mushroom Burger but I'm gonna look for Swensen here in Bur Dubai hopefully they have a branch here because their ice cream is just to die for! I love the chocolate peanut butter cups and the mad chocolate. Gelatos are also good because of its rich flavor and creamy gelly like but smooth texture, but I still prefer chunky ice creams:D

I can still taste the ice cream and the chunky chocolate peanut butter cups and peanut butter on chocolate swirls. Hmmmm... But I just have to settle for my pints at home until I get to go back in Sharjah or see a Swensen parlour somewhere around Karama.

Tito Boying arrived in Dubai

2008-01-20T21:44:00.000-08:00

January 19, 2008

5:30 am

I finally got my laptop back to its working state! Now you wonder what I am doing awake at 5 in the morning? Well my uncle arrived from Manila and he and my dad were talking in the dining room which really just 3 steps away from the bedroom. And as I have mentioned our 'house' is so small. It's as big probably as all the bedrooms in our house combined, that's how big it is for a bedroom, but for a house? I don't think so. There's no privacy and boundaries, except for the walls and the 4 doors around the dining room, which isn't much really.

Hmmm:) it just feels so good to type on my super soft keyboard and hear the clicking sounds when I type. I don't really get to hear the clicks of the keyboard when I am renting computers because I am too distracted to notice.

Okay, seems like my eyes wouldn't stay open, I'll go back to sleep.

Good news: I got my retainers now! Fear not my biters, you shall stay in perfect shape as my dentist made you.:D

journal

2008-01-20T21:42:00.000-08:00

January 10, 2008

Update for today:

1)I got my period today which is a bummer because I am having helluva muscle cramps plus my bruises which aches most of the time because I bump them. (I have one on my right elbow, a big one on my right bicep, and a long one on my left arm, two from falling of the stairs and the biggest from Magic's punch.)

2) I spent the first day with my mother and brothers living their lives in the Philippines and the whole day with Papa because it's a holiday today.

3) We ate the same food for lunch and breakfast.

4) I took a bath early today. :) Right after breakfast.

5) I washed the blues, purples, indigos today. and then Ironed most of the clothes, except for Papa's polos and my brother's shirts.

6) I now love Jack and Bobby because Jack McCallister is a total hottie and the series made me cry:)

7) Papa and I went to the Outlet Mall with tito Emel, tita Tess, tito Dong, and tito Andy. I'm sleepy the whole time, but I saw two cute guys. A couple of middle aged men seemed like they were checking me out, and the girl at El Mondo Cafe who I think is Filipina treated me like I am not one, maybe because I am starting to get my accent again and that my dad and I talk in english in addition to the english shows that I am watching. I suddenly didn't like anything from mango and found it expensive, which I now regret, also in Billabong and Roxy, specially now that they have new board shorts. Maybe because at that time I really really needed to go potty. Tito Andy treated us at some classy cafe, where I had a good latte and chicken takki which is indian filling on a panini. Papa finally bought me shoes, which I realized after was more expensive than the one I wanted from Zara. But the one in Zara is prettier, but I also liked the one I bought from Aldo cause it has this vintage look to it, I also wanted the red one with leopard prints (they were both flats because I am inlove with flats!!!) but I can't buy both, so I am waiting for DSF(which I think means Dubai Shopping Festival) that I told papa means Daughter's Shopping's Free:D atleast I get to bring home something!:D plus papa bought the protector for fabrics and suedes to keep am clean and dirt and water proof.:)

I am happy now. I get to keep my father for myself means, most of his love and all his attention is on me.:D And I am a fucking daddy's girl so fuck off whoever tries to steal my dad away, and he knows better than showing that he loves someone more than me. He knew what happened when I found out he had a mistress. It's okay for me to share him with my mother, which is good because it keeps my mother away from me. and my brothers are different, because their boys and I know papa loves me more because I am the only girl and I get my way around. But someone else who is totally not family gets more than I do... NO FUCKING WAY. I am a jealous person, and maybe a little insecure but I know what I know, and I tend to keep it that way. Besides, I secretly like being liked and being everybody's pet. :) I like the attention in that way, and now, since I am the only kid here who cooks superbly, I get praises and a little love. :)

I am not really missing my classmates, nor my friends that much. I am still having fun with my solitude. And I have no big annoying mother problems and besides, even though my father thinks he's gonna make my world small, it's not true. I have made my world small, I am most of the time in my own world. Besides, how can he make it small? I don't have friends here, how will I possibly go out drinking and smoking and doing drugs(which he doesn't know) besides the problem maker and fury waker is thousands of miles away from. I am perfectly safe and happy in this small world that I made and my father thinks he created. As long as he doesn't pull some bull shit, everything will be fine. I don't think there's anything to fight about. and my new year's resolution, main new year's resolution is to let my parents think they're in control of me because I will allow myself to follow them almost obediently, and since it's my new year's resolution my pride and ego won't get hurt when I follow them, because it will be my choice to do whatever it is that they want me to do. :)

Living here, makes me think that my ideals are shaped by my environment, the Philippines and the people in it and my mother inspires me to live without money and live with nature. Being here in Dubai makes me want to get that diploma from my course and work here, work in McDermott. Living here gives me bigger aspirations, but still adding some of my eccentricities to it. Like, yes working here, but making sure that if I work, I'll start with whatever salary or shit or anything for as long as they let me wear whatever I want and then I'll save enough money to study and live in London and if asked what I will study, I will study Biology, and then become a doctor. Yes, I am totally throwing away my future in the law. And then probably get a Ph.D. and then teach. And while studying I will try to get the lamest part time jobs in London. :) And I will be happy, and I'll take it from there. I know somewhere along the road if I do go back to the Philippines, which I'm kinda not excited to do, these plans/day dreams/wants will change.

Hmmmm...:) I love writing:D but I am now hungry and sleepy so I'll probably sleep because I am trying to starve myself to thinness.

I am Missing

2008-01-20T21:35:00.000-08:00

January 9, 2008

2:30 pm

I'm supposed to be taking a bath now.:| and then I saw my loved slideshow of pictures.

Things I'm missing:

My long curly hair. I am missing them so much that I'm growing back my hair but keeping the bangs. I guess.

When I saw this, I stared at it for a minute and then, started naming the people. from top to bottom: me, bart, j9, niki, lorie, kai. i think phim's the one taking the picture and on the couch sleeping is definitely mangyan. And remembering who those in the picture are made me laugh. Mangs made me laugh. And no fail, remembering the laughs I had, makes me cry right now. And ofcourse the freaking playlist that I made with all the songs that remind me of high school or were popular back when I was in high school is playing. I know, it's the new year and I have to leave the past behind, but you can't erase memories. you just can't. especially the happy ones. the times, you'd not really care at that moment but you know deep down, one

day, you'll remember the happy times.

Actually, I saw a couple of my pictures with Zab, but I don't feel like missing him, and also Cathy, and then I missed Justin, but not entirely him, so i took this picture, good times with them. I missed this. I missed good times with Cathy, Zab and Justin, as a group. Fun times were with them, involving Justin's car. And this group picture is something that was extremely funny, and quite a relief.:)

I miss these two. They Kits and Janica are my favorite people to talk to. They're sensible and they get me, most of the

time. I miss talking to them and having the luxury to just text or call them up right away, but they are a 1.something dirham a text and some couple of dirhams per call away and I am much to expensive to talk to now. I miss just popping out of nowhere to see them about the littlest of my problems or just to have someone to go shopping with, or have coffee somewhere share a cig and talk for hours, or the best inuman buddies. That I am so missing right now, now that the first edition of this was somehow fucked up by my computer due to lack of disk space, and that my dad called insisting for sinigang which I do not want to cook for the reason that I don't want to go out of the so called house. and if they were here, I could vent it out.

god damn it. my fucking itunes is all jammed up and not working. fucking space.

To kitten

2008-01-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

December something, 2007 (Friday after Christmas and before New Year)

Dearest Kitten,

I miss you so much. I miss knowing that I can text or call you without thinking about how expensive and how short our conversation will be that I have to pick which of the issues haunting me is more disturbing and more important to tell you. To share with you.

Kits, you are the person I am most comfortable talking to about anything. I don't know why, you just are. You just listen and the comfort that your listening gives is enough. And the fact that we share likeness to a lot of things, and even if we don't you understand.

Kits!!!! I super miss you!!!! The only way I am retaining my sanity is doing chores(which sometimes still doesn't help because my mind still drifts), watching TV(but chick flicks just make me sadder even more), and losing myself into the world that books create for me.

Books now are my savior, as they always were. But I can buy any book I want now.:) Finally, I finished reading "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. After two years of trying to read it.

At siyempre kahit hindi gaano nakakaiyak yung libro, naiyak ako. Kasi noong hiniram ni Janica may naiwan siyang post-it na nakalagay yung sinabi ni Tinkerbell kay Peter Pan: "Do you know that place between sleeping and being awake? That place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." At sobrang gusto ko malaman kung saan nakuha ni Janica iyon.

At doon na nag-umpisa bumalik, onti-unti ang mga bagay na kaugnay ay si Zab.

One time I checked my multiply and I looked at the UP people's multiply's, and I saw some pictures, I think he has a new girl. And that bothered me. It bothered me more that until now he still has an effect on me. It bothered me that I felt a pang of jealousy and a wave of sadness that he has a new girl, and I forced my self to be nonchalant about it, which is so pathetic because no one can see me. I pretended to be nonchalant to myself. How pathetic is that? Very.

And when I am pulled out from pseudo-solitude, I am forced to face the horrors of living with my mother and two brothers with a little of the father that I don't like. The only bribe I get is shopping... and food. Lots of food. Ice cream, yogurt, fruits, ice cream, ice cream, pastries, and more ice cream. To compensate for all the food stuffing, I try to drown myself in water. Guess why I am eating a lot? Because I am not smoking.

I miss how it feels to smoke, and the pathetic little me resorts to second hand smoke coming out of my father's friends/colleagues when they have the get together at a friend's condo unit.

PERO!!! Hindi naman ako kating-kati mag-yosi, curiosity lang ulit. Enough na yung isang puff to satisfy my everyday curiosity of how it feels to smoke. Hahaha.

Oooh! I have also finished reading Mitch Albom's "For One More Day"!!! And I want my mom to read it. At least somehow maybe we'd get into trying to understand each other. And after reading about someone who recovered from a fucked up life, I finished "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey and it's also about a guy's life trying to recover in a rehab. Dealing with his 10 years of fucked up life, and deep rage which he calls "the Fury" against his parents who loved him so much, and somehow I can relate to him, his views, and how he is, except I am not as fucked up as him. And it kinda made want to fall in love more because of his story.

It's a memoir, so it really happened to the author but he added a little something to it, changed some characters to protect their identities. And while reading this book, I get distracted about how I am, and how we are(my parents and I), and how my future is, and my past.

My past... actually the events of this year flashes and haunts me at different times of the day, and sometimes, like this time, when I am alone(meaning Magic is busy with his PSP and TV) with my books and iPod, I let the pictures, and clips of the things I have done flash in front of me. And there are some things that I feel horrible I did them. But mostly I feel sad and remorseful.

I don't know if it's just an end of the year thing. Pero hindi rin eh, while I was reading A Million Little Pieces, and James was telling how much he loves Lilly(who, may I say, is a crackhead and pillpopper and a prostitute) and I remember how it was with Alex, and how he makes me feel, and how I felt. And I missed it. I wanted to feel like that again. sobraaa. I know patience is a virtue... which is a quality that quality-control missed.

sobraaang gusto ko ma-feel yun and so much more. at natatakot ako, kasi habang tumatagal, mas lalo akong nagiging idealistic about everything. about the guy, the relationship, and everything in between. anxiety is killing me!!!

and my looking at my old pictures, and my pictures now makes me feel ugly. and sometimes. no, not sometimes, most of the time I ask myself what's wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with me???? And i stop because I don't want to answer it, because I will only feel worse if I tell myself the wrong things about me. Fishing na kung fishing, pero gusto ko yung totoo, I want to know why I am not looked at in that kind of way, and why on earth i find it freaking hard to give out genuine, self-less love.

Siguro masyado lang akong na romanticize ng mga librong pinagbababasa ko, but these stories, have to come from somewhere, it is both imagined and lived and experienced by someone. Diba?

I'mana lend you my "A million little pieces", it's super nice and I'm going to look for this book entitled Tao te ching by Lao-tze/Lao-tzu something like that and it's wow! In that book, Tao te ching, it says something about the way of life, and I like it. One of the things it says there is that "Don't compete nor compare. Just be yourself." And that's what I am trying to do, find myself, find who I am.

So far, all I know about me is that, I am open minded and empty minded that I get most of my ideals from watching TV and reading books. And I am totally in love with books.

(While writing this, I searched, the book in Encarta and this is what I found:

The essential Daoist philosophical and mystical beliefs can be found in the Daodejing (Tao-te Ching, Classic of the Way and Its Power) attributed to the historical figure Laozi (Lao-tzu, 570?-490? BC) and possibly compiled by followers as late as the 3rd century BC. Whereas Confucianism urged the individual to conform to the standards of an ideal social system, Daoism maintained that the individual should ignore the dictates of society and seek only to conform with the underlying pattern of the universe, the Dao (or Tao, meaning “way”), which can neither be described in words nor conceived in thought. To be in accord with Dao, one has to “do nothing” (wuwei)—that is, nothing strained, artificial, or unnatural. Through spontaneous compliance with the impulses of one's own essential nature and by emptying oneself of all doctrines and knowledge, one achieves unity with the Dao and derives from it a mystical power. This power enables one to transcend all mundane distinctions, even the distinction of life and death. At the sociopolitical level, the Daoists called for a return to primitive agrarian life.

And I think I am switching to this belief, it's easy to digest, but kinda hard to do, but I think it is parallel with my goals of divergence from what society is trying to instill in us. And saying all this to you, talking about this, what I read, and what I like brings me closer to knowing myself, and hating myself.

I hate myself because I am forgetful. I tend to forget things, but remember them at the most inconvenient times. And it sucks that I wasn't able to watch the Death of Memory, because the story plays along in that kind of theme.

Here are the things I know about myself:

1) I know that I want to be happy and it's not the kind of happiness that I think my mother and father wants me to find. Or I believe that they perceive me to find happiness in material things. WHICH I DON'T THAT IS WHY I AM NOT LIKING DUBAI.

Dubai is a city, with vastness of sand dunes covered with buildings and amazing engineering and architecture. They have a floating bridge which amazes and intrigues me as how it works. Amazing things intrigues me. I want to know how it works.

2) I know that I want to know how things work, I don't really know why exactly, but I like to know how things work, like the microwave, the floating bridge, I like to know the mechanics and origin and reason of how and why things are. And I find joy in knowing and learning about it.

3) I know that I will always be tempted to buy knowing that it's cheap and good quality. And I am in love with ukay-ukays, sales, and outlets where you will find good brands with good qualities at the cheapest price.

4) I know that I have oral fixation though I am trying to believe that I don't have.

5) At this age, I believe that my mind is still malleable.

6) I know that I have a thirst for knowledge that is most often than not is deafeated by laziness in the means of lying down and television.

I am practicing reading my books in places where there are lots of distraction and challenge my will and concentration to finish the book. Hopefully this will help when I get back to school.

7) I know that I get carsick/motion sickness whenever butterflies or something of that sort is in my stomach. Like long winding roads which involves sudden breaks and velocity.

8) I know that I agree and believe in this:

Not exalting the worthy means the people do not envy;

Not prizing hard-to-get valuables means the people do not steal.

Not looking at that which creates desire makes the heart undisturbed.

-Laozi, Tao te ching

and that this is what soceity is doing wrong. And I think this is what Tyler Durden believes in in Fight Club.

9) I know that I am easily affected by movies and the books I read and I tend to dramatize my life according to what I have watched/read and how I perceived the ideals it give.

10) I know that I will not truly believe in everything that Daoism says.

One may know the world without going out of doors.

One may see the Way of Heaven without looking through the windows.

The further one goes, the less one knows.

-you cannot make me stay in one place. I love to travel and I would like to see the world.

Learning builds daily accumulation, but the practice of Tao builds daily simplification. Simplify and simplify, until all contamination from relative, contradictory thinking is eliminated.

-it will be hard for me to turn my back to shopping and clothes, and shoes. especially if they're on sale.

I'll stop at 10 things for now. Feel ko sobrang haba na ng pinagsasasabi ko. But it helped me forget about missing the feeling I once felt with Alex, and the kilig feeling of him calling me a "farmeress" which is the most corniest and weirdest thing someone can call another person to make her feel kilig. But I did, I got kilig all high with love because of that, and for when he says good night, and when he would pretend not to be jealous when I am trying to make him jealous, and how I would hear his heartbeat, and his breathing. All those little things and simple "ily" and "i love you" and when he would play along with my corny jokes and weird lambings.

Telling you all those makes me feel it again, and it would feel real, and I am enveloped with nostalgia, no more regrets though. All memories of love that I recount brings nostalgia and not regret. Which I think is a good thing. It means, I am over everything.

2007 is a story of hair. The story of my hair. Recently ko lang narealize. :)) For every boy I liked/loved/or something close to it this year I change my hair when I am over and done with them.

When I cut my curls in March, I was over Alex. Then in April I cut my hair shorter after Zab. And then, I cut my side bangs shorter during sembreak after Charles, and then I cut my hair again like a 4-year old kid with bangs, after Bart.

(Jan. 20, 2008)

I was reading this again and realized it doesn’t have it’s good byes I must’ve been interrupted while doing this.

Well, I have been here for a month and after my mom and brothers left I hardly noticed it. And I am not really missing anyone now. I guess I am liking the solitude I have here and the fact that I am with my dad who just leaves me a couple of dirhams to spend when he’s out for work and I get to spend the whole day for myself and that the mall is just a few steps away. But it’s not that fun in a high end mall. Not much to buy unless you have a rich man’s credit card.

But I do get nostalgic when I see our pictures. And I did miss you guys when I saw the picture during the Christmas party. Well, honestly, I do think if I am part of the brood, you know? I am still confused… or something like that because I feel very comfortable and happy with you guys and I look it on pictures but it’s just weird that I don’t have friends like that from my school. And I feel sad about it. Not that I am not okay with you guys, but it’s just that it seems not right. I should have a new set of friends because it’s college. You guys have new sets of friends, I feel like I don’t. And once again, I don’t know what to do. Or guess, I don’t want to know what to do.

Oh well, it’s 1 am here. I gotta get some sleep.

With Love,

Kamote

Day 2

2008-01-20T21:11:00.000-08:00

December 16, 2007

i left my mom on the street when she wanted to go to the g-mart store across the street from the pierre cardin, guy laroche and ted something store. and i wanted to go to spinney's because that's where she initaially wanted to go. and that's the reason why she dragged my fat ass out of the house. yes, i'm calling our one-bedroom condominuim unit a house because it's a regular house here in dubai and villas are very expensive. villas are the house-looking houses that costs thousands of Dhs. but it was good, i got to buy Dhs25- sweaters at giordano and got to eat at this coffee something restaurant where i smelled beef mami.

i treated my mom beef mami which costs Dhs5 which is very cheap, if you don't convert it to peso. and the manager/waitress is pinay, ate weng. she told us about the filipinos here in dubai, how hard it is to work here that sometimes pinays are "kumakapit sa patalim" and "kumakabit" to filipino engineers or locals or indians because of the high cost of housing and the low wages. Well, it is high if you convert it but there's just little left to be sent home or little left for their selves. Usually they get paid Dhs1200 monthly and rent costs around 600 and their families in the Philippines demand for a lot. They live a hard life here. Unless you are an engineer or an interior designer which ate weng said is an in demand job here because of all the construction going on. Or that a really big company wants to hire you. but if you are just going to be a minimum wage worker, it's going to be hard. And not all gets lucky.

Speaking of lucky, there's this woman I met who must've pleased the gods because she's so lucky. She's going to Paris! She works here for a foreigner, I think, and the person she's working for is moving to Paris and she's stuck at the corner of our building's street trying to get to Forex. This was how we got to talking:

I crossed the street and then she asked: Kabayan?

I removed an ear phone from my ear and said: Huh?

She reapeated: Kabayan ka?

I stupidly gave her my confused look (because I kinda didn’t know what she meant by that which translates to: Filipino ka?) and replied: Opo.

So she started asking about where Forex was, and I passed it so I told her which area it is. We talked more about me, if I was working, where I live, where she's working, where she lives and where she's going. She's waiting for a taxi but when a taxi passed and didn't stop, I just helped her go to Forex. And she gave me this really warm smile, and it made my day.:)

I'm super happy I helped her. No joke. She's a small lady around 50 something I guess, and she looks fragile. She lives in Marikina. I have this thing for asking where Filipinos are originally from. I dunno, I guess it's just decent to ask where they are from. I don't know, I guess to start a conversation. But helping her, made me happy enough not to miss home that much.

Yes, I am missing home and it's just my second day. Somehow, there's a feeling of this not being a vacation, maybe because we are not staying at a hotel, or maybe because there's "RESIDENCE" written on my visa. Never the less, the only things distracting me are CSI and shopping.

eighteen more days before the plane leaves again.

First Day

2008-01-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

December 15, 2007

10:30 am, Bur Dubai

4 hours late from Manila time. 5 hours since arrival. 14 hours after departure from Manila, from my friends, from parties, and family.

The flight was better than expected. From the friendly immigration lady, to cute little kids at the boarding area, to excellent movie picks at the airplane. I was amazed that they have STARDUST. Stardust! But it's a shame that I slept throughout the movie and until after that. I slept throughout the flight except during when food was served. And Emirates serve delectable food with variety. For the midnight snack they served sandwich with beef pastrami and cheese and a flan with macapuno that i paired with dried mangoes and delicious orange juice. I have a thing for orange juice now :)

But the trip was still bumpy even when we arrived because Vic is such a pain in the ass. Gawd I hate him!

My dad and his married friends tito Rey and tita Sheila picked us up at the airport and drove us to my dad's flat. (My dad doesn't have a car yet)

The airport wasn't that impressing as the one in Hong Kong but Dubai's architecture is totally amazing! Different shaped buildings, not the typical towering rectangles but they have curves, airplanes, triangles cylindrical shaped buildings! Wow!

So far it's good, it's sunny sunny:) a lot of Filipinos, and nice people, the down side for me is that books here are expensive because of the packaging, and that my dad doesn't have a car yet. and there's no channel 2 so I can't watch PBB and Maging Sino Ka Man! I'm liking it, my dad's flat's okay. quiet neighborhood. Oh well, that's it for now:)

How Life is So Far

2008-01-16T23:14:00.000-08:00

It's a bright sunny day today here in Karama. The sun finally went out, probably Bush left the borders of UAE. Even the sun is afraid of that brute.

*George Bush was here last Monday, they made it a holiday or it really is a holiday. But the thing is there's no work for almost everybody, and policemen were everywhere to make sure stores don't open for work. Or it's just raining hard for the past i-don't-know-days. Which made the temperature extra cold.

So what's a day like in my shoes, you ask?

I wake up whenever I want and my sweet dad doesn't even budge me to cook him breakfast or anything, and when I do which probably is around 12 noon, I eat breakfast which is usually cereals with berries fresh or dried and orange juice.:D I am big with orange juice here.:D if it's not cereals I eat instant noodles or if I'm not too lazy I cook eggs and bacon. And ofcourse I eat it in front of the TV, as always. Which now would be breakfast in bed because the TV is in the bedroom/livingroom. And if there's nothing good on the limited channels in English or Pinoy TV I watch DVDs. I have a couple of 16-1 DVDs which are not so easy to find since it's really illegal here (meaning you won't find them unless you ask a couple of vendors in their so called flea market which looks like a low class mall) and some of the DVDs my dad bought.

SPEAKING OF DVDs :D :D :D I FINALLY got my hands on an ORIGINAL copy of PETER PAN!!!!! :D With all the bonus feature. :D I AM JUST SOOOO HAPPY!!!!! I have the book and now I have the film :D It feels like Christmas. Soon I will get my hands on the original copy of Finding Neverland. :D and probably the cartoon version. :D

and then when I finish my breakfast, if I don't get lazy I celan the kitchen and wash the dishes and then hang the laundry. (My dad does the laundry) And then I would defrost what we will have for dinner, which I cook because my dad would rather eat out than eat his own cooking, and then I would either watch TV or read a book or read a book while the TV is on. Then when my dad calls to tell me how much to cook because he usually have colleagues over I start cooking.

That's about it. Well of course that's not what happens everyday, for the whole week since my mom left, my dad was only in the office for 4 days. I think. Friday is a holiday here so he didn't go to work, we went to Deira City Centre that day to buy grocery which amounted to 800 Dhs which is a lot considering we are only two in the house. That day my dad bought me Clueless the collector's edition and Napoleon dynamite and a couple of make-up. :D And for the rest of Friday, we just watched DVDs and eat mostly ice cream and sashimi. (not together though)

Saturday, my dad decided not to go to work. Here, Saturday's have overtime pay and optional to go to work for most people but it's always half day for them. So we went with his colleagues to the Outlet Mall going to Al Ain. It's a big mall where all stores sell their items at factory price and they still have sales. :D I wasn't in the mood to buy because I have a list, so I wasn't in the impulse to buying anything. But I did bring home a nice pair of flats. :D Which was much more than the price of the flats I wanted from Zara.

Sunday was work for Papa. And it was raining sooo I just stayed home the whole day.

Monday, was the day Bush came and it was raining still so we just stayed at home. Again. Well, my dad went to the gym with his buddies and he kinda dragged me outside but since I was too lazy I said I'll stay home, on my way home I had a mild asthma attack which scared me so I just went to Burjuman. (Burjuman is a big mall where they have Saks 5th Avenue, Paris Gallery, a lot of Posh stores like Ralph Lauren, Mont Blanc, JustCavalli, Louis Vitton among others. And it's just two blocks away from our flat, less than 10 minutes on foot depending on how fast you walk and which route you take. Straight line would be 5 minutes on foot.) So, I met up with tita Tess my dad's buddy's wife, she's like a friend to me now since she's also bored out of her wits being alone at their pretty flat all day so I lend her books. We went around and picked out some stuff I would want to buy in Zara and Mango, and Roxy and went to this cramped bookstore and found a compilation of Khalil Gibran works for only 75Dhs (that's approximately 750 pesos) pretty cheap for 12 books in one. But since my money was short and we were about to leave for dinner I didn't buy it.

On our way back to tita Tess' flat I saw a bookshop. It's big and cramped and fire-hazardous and cluttered and with lots of books! all kinds! from school books, to religious books, to old fiction, to literature, to medical books they have it! That's where I saw Peter Pan, and I got it for 12Dhs. Fun:D

Tuesday, I spent the day finishing my new book. (though I am still reading Sophie's World) and that day my dad went to work. Also Wednesday, which was yesterday but they kinda got home early.

What was different about yesterday though it was a gloomy sky hovering me and a biting wind enveloping the whole of Karama, I went out to check my mail, and then went to Burjuman to look for Peter Pan. I didn't find it but I didn't go home empty handed, when Virgin Megastore didn't have the copy of Peter Pan I went to Magrudy's (It's kinda like Fully Booked) and bought myself a copy of Jane Austen's Emma (from which Clueless was made after) and finally a copy of Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray and an application form of their Loyalty Card which the pinay gave to me. :D Oh, and I went to this store in Al Atar with my dad after the early dinner at tita Tess' and I found Peter Pan and I got me the DVD

So far that's how it is in my life here. And I'm liking it. I am my dad's little girl and I like that way, I feel like I'm the only child and I pretty much get what I want. :D

I know what I want

2008-01-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

This is just a short list of the things that I would definitely want to do in my lifetime. It's way far from what I really need to realize before I go back to school again because it is so not related to whatever it is that I am taking and what my parents want me to do(which is stick to the career I thought I wanted) and what I think I thought I wanted.

1) I want to write a piece of literature. Either be it a play, a tv series, a movie, a novel, a memoir, or an autobiography. For as long as it gets published or produced.

2) I want to make a film. Either to direct or produce it.

3) I want to surf.:D

4) I want to teach kids.

5) I want to work for the UN or some organizations that do relief works.

6) I want to love. LOVE. again. and again. and again.

And for the first time that I wanted something, I know exactly what to do to be able to achieve it. Except for number 6, along with that is a new list of what my dream guy is like. :D

So tell me, is it true?

2008-01-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

It's kinda hard to believe what it means. Except i guess for the irresponsible part and that I do get into trouble most of the time. I highly doubt most of what this is.

What Marie Louise Kamille Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

--insecurities are kicking in.

kdjflkasd

2008-01-07T23:42:00.000-08:00

JANUARY THROUGH DECEMBER 2008

A TIME TO RELAX AND ENJOY LIFE, TO EXPRESS YOUR CREATIVITY AND EXHILARATING ENTHUSIASM.

Your 3 Personal Year

In 2008, make every effort to express the joy of living. This is a time to experience cheerful and optimistic situations. Try not to scatter your energies. You'll undoubtedly spend some of this year with close friends, as you usually like to do, but this is a good time to open up your activities as much as you can. You'll have opportunities to make some new friends and attend parties or social gatherings. Try to lead a more active social life than usual. Indulge in some enjoyable entertaining. Take advantage of any opportunities to travel. Enjoy any creative or imaginative opportunities that come your way as well. Keep your eyes open for some romantic possibilities. Children -- your own or other people's -- can be a special treat this year, so involve them in some of your enjoyable times. Enjoy some socializing with your family and relatives. If you have any anxiety or timidity left in regard to meeting new people, 2008 is a good time to try to eliminate this annoyance.

Be very sensitive to others' emotions and be sure to communicate as clearly and openly as you can. Be especially positive for best results. Stay away from extravagant activities. Take care of the work that has to be done.

Monthly Highlights For 2008

The Personal Year is an important yearly influence. This influence, though, is expressed with a somewhat different emphasis each month. Be sure to take the monthly emphasis into account, too, when considering the best approach to take to each month's events. Monthly highlights for 2008 are given next, followed by detailed descriptions for each month.

You can expect a lot of exciting activity, possibly some travel, in February. In March, on the other hand, you can enjoy good times with family and close friends. Some business endeavors will need attention in May and July. Some very special closeness -- and possibly romance -- can make August a beautiful time. Expect a merry period with friends in September. Considerable activity is possible in November, along with another travel opportunity. Expect a very happy holiday season in December.

JANUARY 2008

Your 4 Personal Month

Take care of the work that comes your way in January and the year will get off to a positive start. Complete the required details on some of your ongoing ventures. Check into the possibility of buying or selling a house, possibly around January 18th. Fulfill your current family obligations and business duties. Get everything in order and take care of any paperwork or legal matters that fall within your jurisdiction on January 22nd or so. Organize your plans in order to move ahead with some of the ideas you had at the end of 2007. Proceed to build the base you're likely to need in continuing the development of these ventures, especially the development of your powers of expression. All your work will be enhanced by using as much creative input as possible. Friends who are approached tactfully may contribute some imaginative ideas or open some significant doors. Take care of any health matters that need attention. Enjoy socializing, particularly from January 26th on.

internet blues

2008-01-06T23:39:00.000-08:00

I am having problems with the internet. and soon, I'm going bye-bye to using it.

In 2 days, I have no more internet access since my mom is bringing her laptop home and my dad brings his laptop to the office. Therefore the turtle-speed internet would not be used anymore. Thus, the pictures would be stuck in my mother's USB.

Gawd, I hope my books save me. I am stuck here, without internet, with lame ass networks. My dad got GMA instead of TFC because of the freaking NBA. And I'm too lazy to go out, since we don't have a car yet and I haven't memorized the Bus numbers yet. And that I don't like riding their cabs here.

So far... I'm liking it. A bit. Well, if you have money you will really love this country. If you love shopping, you will truly love this place. And if you have a car, you'd go places without a frown. But since I am none of the above... well, except for the shopping part... I am not that much happy with it.

People would expect for this place to be rich with culture. Not Dubai though. Except for the locals who wear this floor length dresses/robes (white for men, black for women) so far, that's the only cultural thing I have ever seen here.

Construction is everywhere. There's a little desert to be seen, and at far away places, like the province(?).

As you can see I am not very much literate about the place, because I have no interest. Maybe, if this was a real vacation, I'd be. But it's not. It's a freaking preparation for when we really move here.

So I have to learn how to like this place.

So far it's way better than the Philippines, because here the locals are freaking rich. Rich enough that the government builds them their luxurious villas and that they don't have to work. Their police officers looks respectable in their fabulous police cars, e.g. BMW, Chevrolet, Fortuner. Hospitals uses barcodes for their labs to identify whose sample it is or whatever, and every hospital has a heli-deck. Oh and just that the constructions are everywhere proves that they are rich.

But since people are rich here, almost everyone has a car, even the poor(or what they call the poor) have cars that the traffic is unbearable during rush hours.

*as usual the title is totally unrelated to the content. gotta go and cook dinner:)

Year Ender

2007-12-30T22:33:00.000-08:00

I was writing my year ender piece this morning, which I might not post here because it's too personal and I don't think people would like to read it.

The roller coaster ride is ending. And, so far things are looking up. Because I choose to be happy and that reading made me happy. I finished 4 books in two weeks!!!:D I am soooo happy:D And they are good reads:D Though I still doubt for One Hundred Years of Solitude because it's such a drag reading it. Other than that, Mitch Albom's "For One More Day", James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces" and "My Friend Leonard" are good reads. Definitely good reads. :D

After I finished reading my last book for the year, I decided to count the books I finished for this year, and they count to only ten books, and it somehow made me sad. So for next year, my goal is to finish 15 books, both fiction and non-fiction:D

Here are my preferred titles:
The Treehouse by Naomi Wolf
The Inheritance of a Loss by someone I forgot
The Half Life of Stars by Louise Wener
The Timetraveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
The Secret of A Fire King by Kim Edwards
Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman
Stardust by Neil Gaiman
The Unbearable Lightness of a Being by Milan Kundera
The Kite Runner
Everything Bad is Good for you
Guilty Pleasures

Also for next year, 2008:
I will get at least two A's in one semester not including PE
I will not maximize the cuts I have
I will act in a play
I will quit smoking... I will make sure that a pack lasts me a week:D
I will not get involved with anyone physically and emotionally
I will not get involved with friends in any way.
I will get abs no matter what!
I will maintain my 110 lbs.
I will not cut my hair anymore.
I will learn one foreign language
I will get my license
I will try not to get a tan anymore
I will only buy clothes and shoes every christmas and my birthday
I will try not to buy clothes anymore
I will save money and not spend it on clothes
I will save money and not spend it on clothes
I will save money and not pig out
I will save money and not buy cigarettes
I will save money to buy gifts for christmas and birthdays:)
I will read more and write more
This year I will raise my hand if I know the answer or I have an opinion. I will recite in class.
I will read news papers, and not just the comics part.
I will not get involved with a friend. No more friends:D

I think that's it for now.

sana lang magawa ko yan lahat. or kahit 5 lang. masaya na ko.

HAPPY DOPEY NEW YEAR!!!:D

christmas

2007-12-24T23:45:00.000-08:00

worst i've had.

pictures might be uploaded soon. or I dunno. it's taking the rented computer forever to upload the pictures during the sand safari, and the christmas party.

it's not christmas here. i can't feel it. it's just cold. and it's not the kind of cold that makes you happy. it's the lonely cold. it's the sad cold that makes you feel alone, lonely, and isolated. i didn't want this kind of alone-ness. there's nothing solitary in this alone-ness of being here.

this year, there's no christmas. and it's sad that at the end of the roller coaster ride that is this year, it's going slow, sad-slow. nostlagic-slow. slow that makes you vomit. makes you sick. makes you want to jump. makes you hate the ride. makes you want it to stop. stop. stop.

you get off pale, sick, and vomitting.

It makes the ride not worth it. It makes you forget the highs, the fun parts, the butterflies in your stomach, the happy-screams of the ride. And you are just left with the sickening feeling that makes your sweat cold, your heart fast, your stomach more acidic and your world spinning. spinning. spinning. you want it to stop but it won't.

all you can do is hope you'll get used to it and not get sick anymore.

and I am hoping something beautiful, wonderful and fantastic this coming new year. so that next year will be my year. the year i'll clean up my mess, the year that i will be brave enough to face the mess i made, the year i'll start working my ass, the year that i will not be paralyzed by fear.

i hope. and i wish. and being sick of what has happened this christmas, I wish harder.

24 Mbps

2007-12-17T04:38:00.000-08:00

Yan ang speed ng internet. at nakikiinternet lang ako kasi walang internet sa "bahay" ng tatay ko. Buti na lang nag dinner kami sa friend niya at naawa sakin pinaginternet ako.

POTANGENA!!!! HOMESICK NA KO!!!!

Isa na kong biik ngayon. So far kain lang kami ng kain ng kapatid ko at sabi ng nanay ko withdrawal symptom daw dahil hindi na ko nagyoyosi. I just shrugged my shoulders.

yes, bawal ako mag yosi. kaya puro ice cream at yogurt ang tinitira ko. at biik na talaga ko. wala kong ginagawa. the usual, yun lang, everything's just a step away. wala tuloy exercise unlike sa bahay medyo malayo ang kusina sa ref sa tv sa kama at sa banyo.

tangina, buti na lang generous ang tatay ko sa pagbili ko ng libro. Sa tatlong buwan kong ititira dito sana mabili ko lahat ng librong gusto ko. Kahapon nung nag-grocery binilan niya ko ng 2 libro:) happy! [A million little pieces by James Frey at Sophie's World ni J. something]

hindi ko pa mabuksan mail ko at hindi pa ko makapag upload ng pics. pero soon.

ititigil ko na 'to kasi naiiyak talaga ko at nakakahiyang umiyak sa bahay ng ibang tao with strangers... not really, but i just met them.

I am missing a lot of people. and a lot of things. and the thing I dreaded happened. I am to fucking stay here until my ticket expires. WTF????? 3 MONTHS???? SHEEEEEEEEEEET!

JUST IN CASE I WON'T GET TO GO ONLINE:

HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND MERRY HOLIDAYS!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!:) I MISS YOU GUYS!!!:)

I LOVE YOU:D

VIrgo: The Whore

2007-12-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

out of curiosity I opened this. not that I believe the bad luck thing, but with what's been happening to me lately, it wouldn't hurt to believe. and then again, how fitting can it be? :))

Once you've opened this bulletin, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits written 35 years ago by an astrologist prediction. Read your sign then repost this with your zodiac sign and label it. If you don't repost this, you will have a bad luck for as long as it says on your description.

Virgo: The Whore
Dominant in relationships. Sexy. Someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last words. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget. Love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. The ultimate sexiness. Great kisser. 7 yrs. of bad luck if you don't repost this.

Scorpio: The Lover
Can be mean sometimes. EXTREMELY SEXY. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic (freak in bed). GREAT KISSER. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 yrs. of bad luck if you don't repost.

Libra: The Sex Addict
Very pretty. Very Romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you'll ever meet. Amazing in bed! did I say amazing in bed?! Not the kind of person you want to fuck with. You might end up crying. The most irresistible. Rare to find. Funny. Talkative. Erotic. Smart. Loves sports. Gets what s/he wants. Loves in a relationship. 9 yrs of bad luck if you don't repost this.

Aries: The Sexiest
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to fuck with. Erotic. Funny. Take you trips to the moon in bed. Excellent kisser. Extremely Sexy. Loves being in Long relationships. Addictive. Loud. Best in bed.16 yrs. of bad luck if you don't repost.

Aquarius: Does it in water
Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long term relationships. Extremely energetic and funny. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations not a fighter, but will knock the shit out of you. The best and biggest freak in bed. Considered to be a "G". 2 yrs of bad luck if you don't repost this.

Gemini: Ultra Sexy
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Lover not a fighter, but still knock you the fuck out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Horny. Freak in bed. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. The most irresistible. 9 yrs. of bad luck if you do not repost.

Leo: Wild in Bed
Great talker. Sexy and Passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at making out. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Loyal. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Great when found. 7 yrs of bad luck if you don't repost.

Cancer: Most Amazing Kisser
Very high sex appeal. Great in bed! Love is one of a kind. Very Romantic. Most caring person you'll ever meet. Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bed. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a fighter, but will knocks your light out of it comes down to it. Someone to hold on to. 12 yrs. of bad luck if you don't repost

Pisces:The Piece of ASS
Caring and kind. Smart. Too Sexy DAMN IT! Very high sex appeal. Have the last words. The best to find hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in sheets. Super good in bed. Good sense of humor. Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always what she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 yrs. of bad luck if you don't repost.

Capricorn: The passionate Lover
Love being in long relationships. Great talker. Always loves to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Awesome kisser. Gets what s/he wants. By FAR The best in BED. Very sexy. Loves to own Gemini. In sports. Extremely Fun. Loves to joke. Love's to be your first so you will never forget. Smart. 24 yrs of bad luck if don't repost.

Taurus: The Freak in Bed
Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find. Loves in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy. Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Sexual. The most caring person you'll ever meet. One of a kind. Not one to fuck with. Are the sexiest people in earth. 15 yrs of bad luck if you don't repost.

Sagittarius: The Sexy One
Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in bed. Great in bed. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. There love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Most caring person you'll ever meet. Not the kind of person you want to mess with you might end up crying. 4 yrs of bad luck if you don't repost

hiatus

2007-11-23T14:31:00.000-08:00

Once again, I always, ALWAYS, get what I want.

I'm going LOA to find things in my life that I can't find in where I am right now.

I'm taking a break but not a vacation.

and then maybe, I will know what to write.

early mornings and head aches

2007-11-21T03:24:00.000-08:00

Bad day today except for the part I spent with my high school friends and frank and cathy and cathy's boy.

Comforting somehow. Thanks Bart and Kits for listening to the rumble tumble of my confused and lost life:) parang kailangan ko ata ng shirt na "Lost Ako!" at maraming question mark. and thank you Bart kasi hindi ka nagalit. Sobrang natawa talaga ako, salamat.:D salamat kasi as always you never look down on me when I get my acads fucked up and you never fail to shed some light in my cloudy mind when it comes to family matters that I should fix. At Kitten, thanks for being my "date" at sobrang salamat for giving me time to figure out what it was and not judging me and reprimanding about how much fiasco it would bring if it was true, which until now, I can't figure out, but I have to figure me out before I figure out what it is that I really feel. Sabi nga ni Chino, "Gulo nanaman 'to."

Bear!!! I miss hugging you! Of all the friends I have, you are my favorite person to hug. >:D<

Sorry if we had to go home early, I wasn't feeling well, I felt like throwing up the whole day but I couldn't. I don't know what's wrong with me, and now, I can't sleep from all the coffee I drank today. And I guess, I just got nauseus from all the cigarettes I smoked. :|

I am sooo gonna get sick, I realized I only ate two spoonful of rice for breakfast and the fries I ate this afternoon.

Random Thoughts

2007-11-21T02:59:00.000-08:00

little notes I wrote during class/after class/talking with friends/alone time:

Theo Prof asked, "Can you be happy without God?" --my initial reaction, without thinking, is NO. But.. I wanted to say 'YES' just for the heck of it but I couldn't defend my answer. So once again I folded and just wrote my thoughts on paper:

"It depends on what you mean by happiness. Happiness is relative. Yes and No. Fleeting happiness, Yes. Eternal contentment, No. But then again happiness is a choice."

In a theo reading it said that God has always been there, and another argued the universe has always existed. So I ask, "Can God be the universe?"

During Eco class:

"We get depressed when someone leaves us because suddenly, we don't know what to do with the time that we usually spend with them and we are overwhelmed with the the big change in our life."

Also in our Eco class, when Sir Lim mentioned Henry Sy, I hated his guts (Henry Sy) for putting up malls everywhere he likes without even thinking of how much change and probably deteriotation of culture in a place because of his effing SM malls! So I listed down the top five people I wanted to kill:

TOP 5 Personalites I want to Kill:
1. George W. Bush
2. Queen Elizabeth (the present queen of Great Britain)
3. Current Filipino president
4. Henry Sy
5.___________

mean and psychotic, I know.

And even though I am bored with SA here are some things the de Guzman said that I found interesting/true/worth quoting:

"Every human being must have a bias."

"Religion constructs power; and power constructs life."

"We are creators of our own world..."

"Every moment of living is every moment of dying."

""To solve the mystery/problem of death, human being created another world, the after world, and thus religion emerged."

quoting Socrates: "To live is to suffer a long time."

"Are things holy because they are loved by the gods? Or are they loved by the gods because they are holy?"

of online shopping and forgotten homeworks

2007-11-15T04:36:00.000-08:00

study break... or probably i'll stop reading altogether and just sleep.

I'm not sure if it's because I am just forgetful or the subject is just not that interesting to remember. Either way I forgot about my SA homework. I was reminded about it after wasting time lying in bed, and watching Grey's Anatomy which made reading too late to start. But I still read it because I have better goals this Sem and I know it's more possible for me to achieve them.

My goal is to stay in LM and get an average of 3 for my management subjects. And I am not just giving my course another sem for me to like, I will be sucking it up until I graduate and get a degree in business management majoring in legal management. 2 1/2 years and I can do whatever I want to do with my life.

My goals this sem are achievable compared to last sem's no cutting goal.

even though I wasn't able to fix myself over the sembreak, I am sucking it up to go to school unfixed. So forgive me if I am moody, snappy, lost, emotional, unpredictable, undecided, and occasionally psychotic. I'm putting my reconstruction on hold, or maybe the pieces of me will just fall into place.

I Hate This Song

2007-11-15T03:49:00.000-08:00

**because:)

I got this from Janica's blog.

Questions from the guys...

1.Bakit kayo nagtataray minsan, kahit gentleman naman kami?
--- kasi hindi genuine, kasi hindi totoo, at dahil minsan lang din ang pagiging gentleman niyo.

2. Bakit kelangan pa talagang sa CR mag kuhaan ng picture?
--- dahil, number one: may salamin at kita ang reflection, number two: masaya lang magpaka vain sa cr, number three: kaka retouch lang:D, number four: agree with mocca, maganda ang lighting :D --agree. at dahil girls lang andun:p

3. Bakit babaero ang tingin niyong lahat sa aming lahat?
--- somehow, it's your nature. and nature is judged as guilty until proven innocent. ;p

4 . Hindi rin. Ganon ba?
--- unless proven innocent.

5. Ano kami para sa inyo?
--- toy. kaya nga boy-toy. BWAHAHAHAHA

6. Bat kayo mahilig mag post?
--- it's an emotional, as well as creative, outlet --I second the motion. at tska kasi, we have opinions to share.:D

7. Bat kayo namamalo ng balikat 'pag natatawa?
--- hindi ako ganun. siguro sa sobrang corny nung joke nakakahampas na lang kami.

8. Ano ibig sabihin 'nun?
--- ibig sabihin kawawa ka kapag pinatay ka dahil sa kakornihan mo, kaya palo na lang.

9 . 'Bat namimili kayo ng ka text?
--- kasi ayoko nagaaksaya ng piso at oras. at nakakatamad magtext. at ayoko ng hindi ko gusto.

10 . Ano mas type niyo? Yung makulit o sweet?
--- makulit. kasi yung makulit puwede ko awayin ng walang guilt. kapag sweet kahit gusto ko ng awayin mahirap kasi nakakaguilty.

11. 'Bat may iba sa inyong tibo ang boyfriend?
--- kasi loser kayo.

12. Ano ba ang hanap niyo sa isang guy?
--- mas matalino sakin :D someone with a strong personality, speaks well, spontaneous and fun, mature, kayang sakyan pagka neurotic ko :D --uuuy, parehas tayo. PERO meron akong listahan ng gusto ko sa isang lalaki.

13. Talaga?
--- oo, kasi idealistic ako.

14. 'Bat kayo mahinhin? Ok lang naman samin kung hindi.
--- mukha bang mahinhin ako?! --exacty the point. Mas lalaki pa ata ako sa'yo. kung sino ka man:))

15 . Anong klase ba ng tao ang minamahal niyo ng lubusan?
--- siyempre yung magbibigay ng more than the overflowing love we give.

16. Baket may 2-timer sa inyo?
--- eh, bakit may 2-timer sa inyo?

17 . Ano pa kaya.
--- ...

18. Bakit kayo naiilang ng walang dahilan??
--- there is always a reason, actually.-- true. lahat ng bagay, kilos, at salita may dahilan. isang dahilan kasi mahirap makipagkapwa-tao sa mga kupal.

19 . Bakit may mga bansag kayo sa kaibigan niyong lalaki?
--- eh kasi friend. para mas distinguish ang friend, sa hindi friend, at sa hindi kilala.

20. Ano'ng mas gusto niyong itawag sa inyo? ate o miss?
--- malamang miss. ate? bakit? kapatid ba kita?-- True!

21 . Kapag ka edad lang?
--- kapag hindi kilala "Miss" pero kapag kilala malamang pangalan ko.

22 . Bakit?
--- miss para hindi bastos. name, kasi sabi nga the sweetest word you'd ever hear is the sound of your name. hahaha. hindi naman masyado conceited.:))

23. 'Bat naniniwala kayo sa mga bulletin threats (e.g. repost this or
else...)?
--- I don't.

24. Ano'ng purpose ng pGsuSuLaT nG mEi dEsiGn?.,
--- para maganda o kaya para mambwisit.

25. 'Bat wala lang?
--- hindi wala lang ang sagot ko.

27 . Bakit mahilig kayo sa gwapo?
--- kasi instinct ng lahat ng organisms to find someone who would be the best to propagate with. kaya mahilig kami sa guapo, mahilig kayo sa maganda.

28 . 'Bat mahilig kayo umiyak pag may prob?
--- hindi na ko naiiyik sa sarili kong problema pero kasi mas magaan yung feeling kapag nakaiyak ka na. magaan yung feeling.

29 . 'Bat mas maraming girl ang nagpapaganda para sa mga lalaki?
--- i really doubt it. guys do too for girls. mas marami lang beauty rituals ang girls kaya mas mukhang marami. moreover, nagpapaganda kami for the sole purpose na ayaw namin na magmukhang pangit. it's really personal, dear. don't take it as a compliment :)) --TRUE! Not everything is about you. :)) it's more for our self-fulfilment and self-actualization purposes.

30 . Bakit ang hilig niyong umiwas pag alam ng crush niyo crush mo sya?
--- Kayo ba hindi? kasi nakakahiya. Well, ako, kasi madami akong sinasabi na napaka tactless.

One Art

2007-11-06T22:39:00.000-08:00

I just love this poem. I first heard this in the movie, "In Her Shoes" and then encountered it agian during summer in Lit 14 class with Ms. Nunez and again last night when I watched the movie again.

One Art
Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master; 
so many things seem filled with the intent 
to be lost that their loss is no disaster. 
 
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster 
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. 
The art of losing isn't hard to master. 
 
Then practice losing farther, losing faster: 
places, and names, and where it was you meant  
to travel. None of these will bring disaster. 
 
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or 
next-to-last, of three loved houses went. 
The art of losing isn't hard to master. 
 
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, 
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. 
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. 
 
 
--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture 
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident 
the art of losing's not too hard to master 
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

The first time I heard this, I cried. The time when we recited it for Lit, I got teary eyed. I don't know what's with this poem that it just makes me sad.

Maybe I feel for the persona. She's in denial. And she's pretending that losing someone is okay and it isn't that hard that losing her friend is just the same as losing a pen, or something ordinary. She's pretending she's okay and that she's used to losing things.

That's why the poem is sad. Because it's sadder to read or see someone pretending s/he is okay, when in reality his/her world is crumbling.

4 am

2007-10-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

gising pa rin ako.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I am still awake. I only had 21 hours of sleep for four days.

This is what I meant when I get drunk and get hangovers for a week because I don't get to sleep.

I haven't had a decent sleep. Well, except today, when I slept for 18 hours but still not enough.

Hindi sa hindi ako makatuog. Glued lang ako sa inuupuan ko at parang ayoko matulog.

afte some thinking, i think imana try and sleep.

I needed this.

2007-10-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

I woke up, and when I finally decided to check my phone for messages, I read this:

"Even if you do things the right way some would still be unsatisfied. Some will not appreciate what you say and what you do, and there would always be people who would let you down too...

But for as long as you speak from the heart, you'll be fine. This is not a perfect world. This is not a perfect life. Life is almost always unfair, but life loves the person who dares to live it."

and somehow, I needed to hear that. To somehow make myself believe that things are going to be okay.

i'm tired of lying

2007-10-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

yes, i am. when i don't actually lie-LIE, but still i get tired.

lying is very tiring. i omit things. but still, omission is lying. omission is betrayal. But then I guess, it's okay? I mean, we omit things so we wouldn't technically lie and still protect the people we care about.

Like not telling someone that somebody came home at 2 in the morning. (Well, not telling this would actually do me good in the future:D)

but then, as Elliot said(Scrubs), "Sometimes, protecting someone's feelings isn't the best way to go."

So I guess it would all come down to what would happen after. The omission, that is. Because lying is totally different. When somebody asks for the truth, we should give it.

Because once we lie, that person would find his/her way around to get to the truth, and we will just find ourselves in a web of lies waiting for the deadly spider to eat us alive.

I don't know what is up. My decisions are all whacked lately. And so were my actions. I really don't know what is fucking up, and it's not the fucking ceiling.

hostility is not my best side. Because I cannot be hostile; I don't want to be hostile. I am scared to hurt other people, intentionally. But then I heard this sunscreen thing from Mon's multiply and it said, "Do one thing you're scared of everyday." Or something of that level. So, if you find me hostile, it's that day.

I am not sure why I am still here. I am not sure why. Either way, I DON'T WANT TO. I REALLY DON'T.

I am trying to be careful. It's not that I am drunk and start babbling again, because even though I think I am half asleep I am still able to think.

this is non-sense. I think.

This is what I want:

I don't want to see you, and you and you together. Wait, that's not what I want, it's what I don't want.:|

Okay, for real...

PUTANG INA. I don't know what I want, all I can think of is

I don't want in.
I don't want to go out.
I don't want it anymore.
I don't want to feel bad because I am not suppose to feel bad, thinking that I was totally honest.

and I am not even sure if I don't really want them.

oh, there is one thing that I want:

I WANT TO LEAVE. Go somewhere far. ALONE. or with people I don't really get to be with much lately that I can talk to about anything and who wouldn't judge me, and would be okay to see me at my worst. And that I can have fun with no matter what we do.

yun. YUN ANG GUSTO KO. YUN LANG ang gusto ko at sigurado ako na gusto ko nga yun.

**totally random thought: I feel bad lately, and I snap easily, and smiles are temporary and I don't smile stupidly anymore. And what makes everything sadder is that thinking of him doesn't cheer me up anymore.:(

"I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind..."
-Boston, Augustana

UNBELIEVABLE

2007-10-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I did it, or how my teacher did it, BUT I DID!!!

hell yeah! I FUCKIN' PASSED ACCOUNTING!

--LM, I am giving you one more chance!

sad note: I need a car. I have a freaking 7:30 MWF class. I have a morning class! WHATTHEHELL?? I CAN'T DO MORNING CLASSES.:(

This Sucks

2007-10-24T04:27:00.000-07:00

Right now, present time, you are stuck.

Stuck between the past and the future, both present at the same time.

The impossibility of it to happen proves that there is nothing impossible. Therefore getting out of the situation is also possible.

[This sucks. I lost my point.]

On Freedom and Change and things in between

2007-10-24T04:25:00.000-07:00

I watched this movie about high school kids resisting their principal's whacked way of running their school. They were struggling for change and freedom.

and because of my strong despise for my strong detestation for my mother and her conventional way of thinking(like the principal from the movie) lately, it made me think:

What was the Bill of Rights made for when society frowns upon the enactment and exercise of these rights?

How can we be free and accepted at the same time? (We cannot say that we don't care because acceptance is a psychological and biological need.)

How can we impose change when we, ourselves, are frightened by change?

You might think this is just a struggle between me and my mother. Probably, but my point is one should either be free or not.

Our brain may be complex but we are like babies startled and panic-stricken when there's a change in our environment. We can adjust to it after sometime, but being forever in the transition of change, being stuck in the struggle between freedom and imprisonment, is exhaisting, terrifying and most of all confusing.

It's either you are free or not. Man or gay. Woman or Lesbian. Allowed or not.

Being in between brings absolute confusement, which in one way or another destroys something.

And I think this is what's happening to our world, stuck in between of struggling oppositions. The weak are confused, the powerful are trying to overpower one another, and only the wise can make their way out.

and this is why i hate society.

**either you give her freedom or not. You do not walk her around on a leash, and then fool her into getting in a cage.

you do not let her taste something you cannot give.

unusual

2007-10-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

this is unusual.

sheeeet. feeling ko bumabait na ko. hindi sa masama ako dati pero kasi iba. hindi na ko lumalabas ng bahay, and i choose not to go out. well, except for my wish to go to the beach, alone, ayoko lumabas.

i feel that i am becoming anti-social because i just don't feel like going out anymore. i am not that excited to see other people, and lately i'd rather be alone.

is there something wrong with me?

okay, medyo nainggit ako kay vic kasi uminom siya the other day na hindi siya umuwi sa bahay. pero nawala kagad at medyo tanggap ko na na octoberfest at hindi pa rin ako lumalabas kasama ng mga kaibigan ko.

hindi ko alam kung bakit wala akong gana. but i like it. i like being alone lately, and i don't feel lonely at all.

unusual of me.